Macron Hosts AI Summit, Assumes He’s Still in Charge of Something

PARIS – French President Emmanuel Macron has taken a brief break from being ignored by his own citizens to gather tech leaders at an AI summit, where he will attempt to convince them that Europe plays a vital role in the future of technology. Sources confirm the tech billionaires have nodded politely while continuing to invest their money elsewhere.

The summit, held in Paris, has attracted key figures from the industry, as well as Silicon Valley executives who arrived purely for the wine. “We are here to shape the future of AI and ensure it aligns with European values,” Macron declared, blissfully unaware that the actual future of AI is being dictated by three guys in a San Francisco basement.

Meanwhile, EU officials brace for another potential economic gut punch from Donald Trump, who, despite no longer being president, has managed to haunt Europe like an orange poltergeist. Reports suggest his influence alone is enough for the bloc to start preparing retaliatory tariffs, just in case the former U.S. leader wakes up and decides to put a tax on croissants out of sheer spite.

Adding to the excitement, U.S. Vice President JD Vance made his very first visit to Europe—a continent he previously dismissed as “overrated.” Attempting diplomatic finesse, Vance reassured EU leaders that America values its relationship with Europe “almost as much as Ohio values locally sourced butter.”

Despite the diplomatic gestures, most leaders spent the summit nodding absentmindedly while secretly Googling “best citizenship to replace EU passport.”