ARTISTS RELEASE SILENT ALBUM AFTER REALIZING GOVERNMENT WILL LET AI STEAL THEIR WORK ANYWAY
In a desperate move that screams “we’re f*cked” louder than any actual music could, over 1,000 musicians including Kate Bush have released a completely silent album to protest UK government proposals that would essentially let tech companies pillage their creative work like digital Vikings with pocket protectors.
SILENCE IS DEAFENING, UNLIKE GOVERNMENT LOGIC
The silent album, titled “This Is What Your Spotify Will Sound Like When We’re All Bankrupt,” follows a strongly worded letter signed by 48,000 creatives including Björn Ulvaeus from ABBA, who reportedly asked, “Mamma Mia, here we go again, why why does the government hate artists?”
The Labour government’s “preferred option” would allow AI companies to use copyright-protected work without permission or fair compensation, a move experts describe as “completely f@#king bonkers” and “the intellectual property equivalent of letting strangers raid your fridge because they’re hungry.”
GOVERNMENT RESPONDS WITH UNPRECEDENTED LEVELS OF BULLSH!T
“This is actually good for artists,” explained Minister for Digital Economy Lord Obvious Cashgrab. “Think of all the exposure they’ll get when their life’s work is ground into meaningless data paste and regurgitated by an algorithm! Plus, they can always get real jobs.”
According to a completely fabricated study by the Institute of Made-Up Statistics, approximately 97.3% of UK politicians couldn’t identify a creative work if it slapped them across the face with its copyright registration.
DR. COMMON SENSE WEIGHS IN
“What we’re seeing here is a government that understands technology about as well as my grandmother understands TikTok,” said Dr. Common Sense, professor of Not Being An Idiot at the University of Get Your Sh!t Together. “They’re essentially saying ‘Hey creatives, we know you spent decades perfecting your craft, but this silicon thinking rectangle needs food, so we’re giving it your livelihood.'”
The proposed legislation would create what experts call a “text and data mining exception” which in normal human language means “we’re letting tech billionaires steal your sh!t to make even more money.”
ARTISTS CONSIDER MORE DRASTIC MEASURES
Sources close to the protest movement suggest that if the silent album doesn’t work, creatives are prepared to escalate their protests by releasing a compilation album featuring nothing but recordings of government officials making promises they later broke.
Kate Bush, who famously disappeared from public view for decades, is reportedly considering becoming even more reclusive, possibly by moving to a different dimension entirely where copyright laws actually protect creators.
At press time, the government was reportedly working on new legislation that would allow AI companies to harvest human organs “for training purposes” as long as they promise to be really, really careful about it.
