**British Jobseekers Thrilled to Work Twice as Hard for Half the Pay**
Unemployed Brits are celebrating a golden era of job hunting, where employers kindly weed out the weak by making candidates run a 10-round obstacle course just to be ghosted at the final stage.
David Hoghton-Carter, 46, a corporate strategy professional from Leeds, describes the search for work as a thrilling test of endurance. “It’s never been this fun! Even after the 2008 crash and the pandemic, things weren’t this competitive,” he said, wiping away tears of joy after his 300th rejection.
The UK job market is truly flourishing, with 1.57 million jobseekers enjoying the thrill of sending CVs into black holes. Experts say employers are infusing a delightful sense of adventure into hiring, offering positions labeled as “entry-level” that require 10 years of experience, two PhDs, and the ability to time travel.
“The new workforce needs to be agile,” said Patricia Grimshaw, a hiring manager at Yeah, We’re Not Paying You Ltd. “We’re looking for candidates willing to accept salaries firmly set in 1998, perform three roles at once, and remain grateful for the opportunity.” When questioned about fair wages, Grimshaw stared blankly and whispered, “What is… fair pay?”
To speed up the process, many companies have streamlined recruitment. Instead of politely rejecting applicants, they simply vanish into the void, never responding to emails again. This keeps jobseekers busy experiencing pleasant existential crises while updating the 47th version of their CV.
Meanwhile, costs of living continue to rise with a grace unseen in history. Reports indicate that landlords are now charging £2,500 a month for a broom closet, while energy bills require citizens to take out second mortgages on their hopes and dreams.
Despite the economic utopia, some ungrateful jobseekers still complain. “It’s nightmarish,” one anonymous applicant said, before selling a kidney to afford rent for the week.
For those still struggling, career experts suggest the hottest job trend of 2025: giving up entirely and moving into the woods.
