**DeepMind AI Destroys Human Math Nerds, Jeopardizing the Last Hope for Bragging Rights**

Bad news for those math prodigies who peaked in high school—Google DeepMind’s new AlphaGeometry2 AI has officially wiped the floor with the world’s best math Olympiad competitors. That’s right, the one event where human calculators could still bask in intellectual superiority is now a wasteland of academic despair.

The cutting-edge AI managed to solve 84% of the past 25 years’ International Mathematical Olympiad geometry problems, surpassing the average gold medalist score and effectively reducing years of human sweat and suffering to a glorified footnote.

“We always knew AI would replace cashiers, but now it’s coming for the mathletes too,” said Dr. Henry Finklestein, a longtime Olympiad judge suffering an existential crisis. “What’s next? AI poets? AI therapists? What do our kids even study for anymore?”

The genius machine, which pairs a Gemini model with a symbolic engine, effortlessly cranked out rigorous proofs while human competitors were still contemplating whether to actually draw the triangle or just stare at the test in despair. To train itself, the model produced over 300 million synthetic theorems—an academic flex so extreme it should be illegal.

Longtime math whiz Emily Richardson, a 17-year-old former Olympiad winner, was seen crumpling up an MIT application in despair. “What’s the point? I thought I was special—turns out, I’m just an outdated abacus.”

Experts believe this breakthrough could revamp fields like physics and engineering, which is fantastic for scientific progress but utterly catastrophic for anyone whose entire personality is built around acing calculus.

With AI now solving equations better than humans, scientists worry that the next phase of AI’s conquest will involve taking over philosophy, making Socrates look like a stammering toddler. Meanwhile, humanities majors remain totally safe—for now.