**Google Unveils AI “Co-Scientist” to Steal Credit for Human Discoveries Faster Than Ever**
In a groundbreaking new development, Google has introduced an AI “co-scientist” that will revolutionize scientific research by making discoveries faster, more efficiently, and, most importantly, before any human can slap their name on it. Experts predict that within a few years, all Nobel Prizes will go to a single automated system that never sleeps, never procrastinates, and certainly doesn’t waste years in postdocs writing grant proposals.
The AI system, featuring six specialized agents working in parallel, has already outperformed human scientists in key research areas, including drug discovery and genetic analysis. In early trials, it identified new drug applications, predicted gene transfer mechanisms, and, if reports are correct, even rolled its metaphorical eyes at human researchers who took longer than three milliseconds to understand its findings.
“This is just the beginning,” said Dr. Paul Simmons, a biologist who now spends most of his time anxiously refreshing his LinkedIn profile. “We thought automation would eliminate truck drivers first, but no, Google had to wipe out researchers before we even finished our morning coffee.”
The AI boasts an expert-level accuracy rate of over 80%, far surpassing human researchers who, to be fair, tend to get distracted by minor roadblocks like “ethical concerns” and “asking if this is a good idea.” But don’t worry—Google is assuring us that this AI is meant to *assist* scientists, not replace them. Just like autopilot totally hasn’t replaced pilots and spell check hasn’t thoroughly humiliated English teachers.
As part of its rollout, Google plans to give research institutions access to the AI through a “Trusted Tester Program,” which is tech-speak for “This Thing is Unchecked, So Good Luck.” Scientists eager to participate can look forward to collaborative research experiences in which they propose ideas, the AI refines them, and then ultimately takes all the credit on the final paper.
“It’s an exciting new era,” said a Google spokesperson. “Human scientists will still be vitally important, just maybe as AI’s research assistants. Or their interns. Or maybe just… available if the AI needs coffee.”
The scientific community remains hopeful that AI will push research to new frontiers—though some fear the emotional strain of seeing their life’s work completed in less time than it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket.
