LIVING ROOMS SUE OPENAI AFTER ALGORITHM MAKES THEM LOOK ‘BETTER THAN EVER POSSIBLE IN REALITY’
OpenAI’s new video generator Sora has launched in the UK, prompting thousands of living rooms to file a class-action lawsuit claiming “unrealistic body standards for domestic spaces” and “making humans think their actual homes are total sh!t.”
INTERIOR DECORATORS CONSIDERING MASS SUICIDE
The technology, which can create stunning video from simple text prompts like “two people in a living room in the mountains,” has interior designers worldwide updating their LinkedIn profiles to “looking for work” and “willing to do literally anything for money.”
“I spent 30 years learning how to arrange f@#king throw pillows, and this silicon-based hallucination machine just made me obsolete in six seconds,” said renowned interior designer Cushion McPlumpton, before dramatically throwing herself onto a perfectly staged fainting couch.
FILM INDUSTRY EXECUTIVES DRINKING HEAVILY AT 9AM
Tyler Perry, who recently halted an $800 million studio expansion after seeing Sora’s capabilities, was found wandering Atlanta in his pajamas muttering “Madea can’t compete with this sh!t” while clutching a bottle of premium tequila.
Industry analysts report that 97% of Hollywood executives have begun hoarding office supplies and updating their résumés. According to Dr. Obvious Cash, professor of Economic Inevitabilities at Make-Believe University, “These people are absolutely f@#ked. Why pay actual humans millions when a prompt can do it better for the cost of electricity?”
UK CREATIVES ESTABLISH UNDERGROUND BUNKERS
Following Friday’s UK and Europe release, creative professionals have begun establishing underground societies where they trade actual human-made art using a barter system of craft beer and avocado toast.
“We’re going back to basics,” explained graphic designer Emma Realhumanbeing. “I’ve already forgotten how to use a computer and have begun communicating exclusively through interpretive dance and hand-drawn stick figures.”
OPENAI ANNOUNCES NEW PROMPT: “REPLACE ALL CREATIVE JOBS WITH ALGORITHMS”
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman reportedly celebrated Sora’s European launch by generating a 30-minute video of himself laughing maniacally while swimming through piles of money.
“It’s just a tool to enhance human creativity,” Altman claimed in a statement that 89% of analysts described as “complete bullsh!t.”
When asked about concerns from the creative industry, Altman generated a video showing himself sympathetically nodding while a single tear rolled down his cheek, before the camera pulled back to reveal him sitting on a throne made entirely of unemployed screenwriters.
STUDY SHOWS 73% OF PEOPLE CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AI-GENERATED CONTENT AND REALITY
Professor Idon Tcare from the Institute for Technological Inevitability released a study showing most humans can no longer distinguish between AI-generated content and reality, adding “not that it f@#king matters anymore anyway.”
In related news, three UK universities have already shut down their film departments, replacing them with a single prompt engineer who works remotely from a beach in Bali while the former department heads now drive for Uber.
As the digital revolution continues its relentless march, living rooms around the world wait anxiously to see if they’ll ever measure up to their AI-generated counterparts. Holy sh!t, we’re all doomed.
