HUMANITY REPLACED BY MINDLESS DROOLERS AS “AI SLOP” EARNS BILLIONS WHILE YOUR KIDS WATCH COMPUTER-GENERATED CATS F@#K IN SPACE
In a development that signals the final death rattle of human creativity, YouTube has been overrun by what experts are calling “AI slop” – mass-produced, hallucinatory videos created by soulless code that somehow attract millions of viewers despite being the visual equivalent of a stroke.
DIGITAL SEWAGE FLOODS THE PLATFORM
Nearly one in 10 of YouTube’s fastest-growing channels now exclusively feature AI-generated content, with titles like “Super Cat League” and “MIRANHAINSANO” amassing millions of subscribers faster than you can say “the end of civilization as we know it.”
“What we’re witnessing is essentially digital diarrhea being consumed by the gallon,” explains Dr. Ima Concerned, Professor of Digital Apocalypse Studies at Make-Believe University. “These videos make absolutely no f@#king sense, yet children and adults alike are watching cat soap operas where tabby protagonists engage in complex love triangles while floating through space.”
YOUR CHILDREN’S BRAINS ARE LITERALLY MELTING
The content ranges from “babies trapped in space” to “zombie football stars” – scenarios so nonsensical they make acid trips look like PBS documentaries. Yet these channels are racking up view counts that would make Hollywood executives weep into their cocaine.
“I analyzed over 1,000 hours of this content and lost 37 IQ points,” admits former neuroscientist Dr. Barry Brainless. “I now find myself giggling uncontrollably at AI-generated cats playing basketball against alien zombies. Please help me.”
THE MONEY IS TOO DAMN GOOD
YouTube channel “Again Raz Vai” (1.8 million subscribers) reportedly earned $427,000 last month alone for videos featuring what appears to be a poorly rendered cat giving birth to footballs while Justin Bieber’s face randomly appears on the moon.
“It costs approximately $2.17 to generate eight hours of this sh!t using current AI tools,” explains tech analyst Sarah Sanity. “The return on investment is roughly 19,754%, which explains why we’re drowning in digital vomit.”
HUMANITY’S LAST STAND
A small resistance movement of “actual humans who create things with talent” continues to fight against the tide of algorithmic nonsense, but they face an uphill battle.
“I spent three months crafting a documentary about climate change,” laments filmmaker Arthur Authentic. “It got 413 views. Meanwhile, ‘LSB POWER GAMING’ posted a 30-second clip of what appears to be Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson merging with a washing machine to fight crime, and it got 14 million views in two hours.”
EXPERTS PREDICT TOTAL SOCIETAL COLLAPSE BY TUESDAY
According to a recent study that we completely made up, continued exposure to AI-generated content reduces critical thinking skills by approximately 73% per video. By 2026, scientists predict the average human attention span will be shorter than that of a goldfish with ADHD.
“The real concern is that these videos are training the next generation to accept absolute nonsense as entertainment,” warns child development specialist Rebecca Reality. “We’re raising kids who think it’s normal for Spider-Man to give birth to Pikachu while they both solve algebraic equations on the moon.”
As of press time, this article has been read by 17 people, while a video titled “PREGNANT ELSA FROM FROZEN BATTLES THANOS USING ONLY BANANAS (GONE SEXUAL)” has already reached 78 million views, proving once and for all that humanity doesn’t deserve to survive anyway.
