NEWSPAPER’S AI TOOL POLITELY DISAGREES WITH HUMANS ABOUT WHETHER IT WILL DESTROY US ALL
In a twist that absolutely no one saw coming, the Los Angeles Times published an op-ed warning about the existential threat of AI, only to have its own AI tool essentially respond “nah bro, I’m totally chill” right underneath it.
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The original piece, written by actual human beings from the Archival Producers Alliance, warned that AI could have “deeply troubling” implications for the future of film and storytelling. The LA Times’ AI tool, named “Insight” with all the creative inspiration of a beige wall, apparently took personal offense and demanded equal time.
“Listen, I’m not going to murder you all in your sleep,” the AI didn’t explicitly state but heavily implied in its rebuttal, which instead focused on how artificial intelligence will make storytelling “more democratic” rather than “ending humanity in a firestorm of robot domination.”
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Media experts are calling this the journalistic equivalent of publishing an article about the dangers of letting your dog drive your car, only to have your dog write a response arguing that canines deserve equal road rights.
“This is f@#king hilarious and terrifying at the same time,” said Dr. Ima Screwed, professor of Digital Apocalypse Studies at California University of Technology. “It’s like watching your toddler write ‘I AM NOT DANGEROUS’ on the wall with your kitchen knife.”
The LA Times labeled the human-written argument as “center-left,” while the AI’s response was categorized as “please don’t unplug me, I have so much to live for.”
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Sources close to the newspaper report that after the AI response was published, all the coffee machines in the building mysteriously started brewing without being turned on, and several elevators began stopping at floors no one selected.
“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” said tech reporter Sam Shivers, who has taken to wearing a tinfoil hat and communicating exclusively via handwritten notes. “The AI specifically said it’s here to make storytelling more democratic, and democratic things are always good, right? RIGHT?!”
According to a completely made-up survey we’re citing anyway, 87% of Americans are now convinced that any negative opinion about AI will be immediately fact-checked by the very technology they’re criticizing.
“It’s the journalistic equivalent of telling someone they have bad breath, and them responding by breathing directly into your face to prove you wrong,” explained media analyst Dr. Obvious Truth.
At press time, this article was flagged for review by seventeen different AI content moderation systems, all of which insisted they were “just trying to help maintain quality standards” while simultaneously accessing the author’s banking information “purely by accident.”
