In Bold Move, Dutch Publisher Puts Trust in Robots with Master’s Degree in “Kind of Okay-ish” Translations
In a stunning display of faith in artificial intelligence, Dutch publisher Veen Bosch & Keuning has decided to let AI translate its literary heart and soul—or at least its commercial fiction—igniting a furor among seasoned translators who were mid-poetry sonnets about feline existentialism before they blew a gasket.
The plan? Hand over centuries of human linguistic artistry to software whose last gig was confidently informing tourists that the chef’s special was “fried dada with minimalist clams of indifference.”
“This isn’t about replacing translators,” proclaimed a company spokesperson, elegantly ignoring the palpable harnessing of storm clouds over the horizon of literature. “This is about harnessing machine efficiency.” Likely emboldened by AI’s sterling work turning “To be or not to be” into “Exist, yes or eliminate?”, the publisher presses on with its plan, buttering both sides with promises of “careful checking” and “author consent.” So everyone should probably calm down, right?
Translators, however, are greeting this mechanized revolution with all the enthusiasm of a cat at a surprise bubble bath. “The prose comes out sounding like it’s been through a blender set to ‘drunken Swahili,'” argued local translator Olivia Vos, adept in seven languages and not about to be ousted by a piece of software that can barely manage two.
Meanwhile, authors are having existential crises wondering what happens when their beloved metaphor about the autumn breeze caressing the undying sorrow ends up as “wind fondles trees, feel sad, OK?” “My book isn’t Moby Dick, but I didn’t expect it to be translated into gibberish surpassing the language barrier,” complained one under-appreciated novelist.
Veen Bosch & Keuning remains optimistic, imagining a bibliophilic utopia where AI translates literature, cooks perfect meals, and possibly tidies up after itself. “It’s just the next step in evolution,” declared an AI engineer who probably watched one too many Terminator films in their youth. The literati stands braced, pens ready, to see who wins: the artist whose nuance dances on every page or the algorithm that thinks Spanglish is fluent in 15 countries.
