**World Leaders Gather in Paris to Pretend They Agree on AI While Actually Hating Each Other**
**”Collaboration” and “opportunity” take center stage, which is a polite way of saying “we got absolutely nothing done.”**
World leaders and tech billionaires assembled in Paris this week for a highly choreographed performance of unity over artificial intelligence. The summit, which aimed to foster global cooperation, quickly devolved into passive-aggressive statements, vague promises, and the inevitable refusal of the U.S. and U.K. to sign anything that even vaguely resembled a commitment to accountability.
JD Vance, America’s latest expert on everything, urged his “European friends” to embrace AI with “optimism rather than trepidation,” essentially telling them to stop whining about regulations and just enjoy the ride. “Look, AI is like downhill skiing,” Vance explained. “Sure, you might hit a tree, but that’s a you problem, not the ski resort’s.”
The U.K. and U.S., always game for a little international controversy, refused to sign a declaration on “inclusive and sustainable” AI. Critics argue this makes them look terrible, but considering they’ve publicly denied reality on several other fronts (climate change, universal healthcare, basic human decency), this was par for the course.
Emmanuel Macron attempted to mediate, offering a rousing speech about European values, responsibility, and why France is, in fact, the perfect place to lead the AI revolution. “We have the vision, the history, and, most importantly, the finest champagne,” Macron declared, raising a glass while tech CEOs checked their stock prices under the table.
Activist groups slammed the U.K.’s refusal to join the declaration, saying it would hurt its credibility. A spokesperson from Amnesty International put it bluntly: “Yeah, because the British government’s reputation on ethical decision-making was just *stellar* before this.”
Meanwhile, Narendra Modi chimed in with India’s stance, which amounted to: “AI is great… but trust us, we’ll regulate it *eventually*… probably… maybe.”
As the summit concluded, world leaders posed for a staged photo, making forced smiles that screamed, “We still have no idea what we’re doing.” But don’t worry—another AI summit is set for next year, where they’ll pretend to have meaningful discussions *all over again*.
