World Leaders Gather in Paris to Pretend They Have Any Control Over AI

The annual “Let’s Regulate AI Before It Consumes Us All” summit kicked off in Paris this week, with politicians and tech moguls once again pretending they have a handle on artificial intelligence.

French President Emmanuel Macron dazzled attendees with a montage of deepfake videos of himself, proving that AI can now lie to the public more efficiently than actual politicians. Macron then acknowledged AI’s potential to “disrupt,” as if that wasn’t already obvious from the avalanche of apocalyptic warnings issued over the past year.

US Vice President Kamala Harris used her time to criticize Europe’s attempts to regulate AI, warning that overregulation could ruin America’s ability to dominate the global economy through reckless tech innovation. Meanwhile, she also made it clear that China should never, under any circumstances, be trusted with the very same AI technology that Silicon Valley is desperately trying to monopolize.

Adding to the absurdity, a not-so-distant shadow loomed over the conference: Elon Musk. The billionaire could not attend but still managed to haunt the event like a rogue AI gone sentient. His controversial AI ventures remained a silent but ever-present conversation piece, as leaders nervously whispered about whether their future campaigns would soon be derailed by deepfake Musk videos calling them “boring.”

Energy concerns were also discussed, with leaders vaguely admitting that AI requires an ungodly amount of electricity, but then promptly shifting the conversation back to more urgent matters—like making sure AI doesn’t gain enough self-awareness to sue its creators for human rights violations.

As the summit wrapped up, one thing became painfully clear: World leaders have about as much control over AI as a toddler trying to steer a race car. But fear not, they have assured the public that more meetings will be held… before AI inevitably replaces them too.