Walmart CEO Announces AI Revolution, Workers Brace for “Exciting” New Careers in Unemployment
In a shocking, yet not-so-shocking announcement, Walmart CEO Doug McMillon revealed that the retail behemoth has harnessed the power of generative AI to boost its productivity—by a mind-boggling 100 times! One can’t help but wonder: Are we just a step away from robots joining the employee of the month club?
During a Q2 earnings call, McMillon excitedly shared that AI has been used to update a staggering 850 million product catalog entries. “It’s like putting a jet engine on a bicycle,” exclaimed McMillon, who seemed uncharacteristically eager to share his upcoming TED Talk titled, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bots.”
The company’s new AI-powered search and shopping assistant is now operational, guiding customers as they ponder the biggest questions in life, such as which TV best captures the historic sports event of, let’s say, their cousin’s cornhole tournament. “The AI even gives advice like it’s your slightly more knowledgeable but equally unemployed friend,” McMillon noted.
But what about the humble Walmart workforce? Fear not, for McMillon assures us that the extensive deployment of what we’re calling WalmartGPT across all operations will usher in a new era of joblessness in fields like ‘Human Customer Advisory’ and ‘Errors in Manual Entry.’ One former employee optimistically stated, “I’m excited to explore the exciting new career opportunities the gig economy offers, like becoming a Lyft driver who moonlights as an Uber Eats courier.”
Meanwhile, Walmart is also tinkering with a fresh, AI-driven experience for its marketplace sellers, though details remain hidden like the whereabouts of the world’s missing socks. Could this new system involve AI becoming self-aware and opening its very own online store? Only time will tell.
“There are limitless possibilities with AI!” McMillon concluded, leaving us all to ponder whether he meant endless potential for innovation or the infinite potential for existential dread.
In summary, Walmart’s embrace of AI reminds us all of one simple truth: the robots aren’t coming—they’re already here, and they’re headed straight for your neighbor’s job.
