UK Government Boldly Outlaws Crimes That Were Already Horrific and Illegal
In a dramatic stand against technology-fueled monstrosities that absolutely nobody was advocating for, the UK has proudly announced a groundbreaking law making it illegal to create, possess, or distribute AI-generated child abuse imagery. Citizens everywhere have breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that horrific crimes are officially still bad.
Authorities hope that the new measure, which curiously just reiterates previous laws with a shinier, AI-themed coat of paint, will strike terror into the hearts of criminals who, up until now, were apparently wondering whether it was okay to use artificial intelligence to generate despicable content. “These are sick, twisted people we’re dealing with,” stated an anonymous official, “but we all know criminal masterminds tend to stop in their tracks the moment they read about a brand-new rule.”
Despite the law being a clear necessity, critics have pointed out that it might be more of a PR exercise than an effective preventative measure. “You know what pedophiles are really good at?” said digital rights expert Fiona Broadbent. “Following the law.” She then paused for a moment before adding, “Oh, wait, no—they aren’t.”
Nonetheless, the UK is barreling ahead, thrilled to be the first country to officially say, “Hey, guys, don’t do that,” as if that alone will solve the problem. Ministers hope this sweeping crackdown will prove to be the final, decisive nail in the coffin of a crisis that has plagued humanity since long before the first chatbot asked if it could “help with anything else today.”
Meanwhile, criminals operating offshore and within the darkest corners of the web remain unaffected and unfazed, quietly continuing their work with, presumably, the same sense of shame and secrecy they had before. Because, at the end of the day, they weren’t really waiting for permission from a legal loophole to do something that was already beyond reprehensible.
As the UK moves to stamp out AI-generated crimes with the same effectiveness as a “No Littering” sign in a garbage dump, Home Office representatives remain optimistic. “A great first step,” one official declared, “right before we go after the AI burglars, AI drug dealers, and, God willing, AI politicians who never follow through with campaign promises.”
