Tech Giants Join Forces to Invent Yet Another Useless Buzzword

In a groundbreaking move to ensure tech executives sound innovative at conferences, Qualcomm, Intel, and several other corporate behemoths have announced the creation of the “Ambient IoT Coalition,” because apparently, “IoT” wasn’t nebulous enough.

The coalition claims it will revolutionize the way devices communicate, allegedly without any human interference—just what the world needed, more things making decisions without us. “We’re ushering in an era where your fridge not only talks to your toaster but also reports you to corporate overlords when you eat too much cheese,” said an anonymous executive who refuses to acknowledge everyone’s deep exhaustion with tech jargon.

The companies involved plan to create standards and use cases so vague that even their own engineers will struggle to explain them. Pepsico, a surprise member of the coalition, emphasized the commercial potential. “Imagine if your bag of chips could snitch on you the moment you decide to have another,” said an enthusiastic Pepsico representative, “that’s the kind of progress we’re aiming for.”

Critics argue the movement is just another excuse to slap more sensors onto everyday objects and harvest even more data no one actually agreed to hand over. “Next thing you know, your socks will be connected to the cloud,” said one skeptical consumer. “And they’ll probably charge a monthly subscription to wear them.”

As these companies work tirelessly to ensure humanity is drowned in “smart” devices that don’t actually solve real problems, the rest of the world braces for an era where even the air around us has Terms and Conditions.