# STARTUP FOUNDER CRASHES ECONOMY AFTER SELLING VIBE APP: “I JUST TYPED SOME SH!T INTO A TEXT BOX”
WORLD MARKETS SPIRAL AS TECH BRO RAKES IN $80 MILLION FOR APP THAT LITERALLY JUST VIBES
In what economists are calling “the final nail in capitalism’s coffin,” Israeli developer Maor Shlomo has sold his “vibe coding” startup to website builder Wix for a staggering $80 million in cold, hard cash after building it in approximately the same amount of time it takes most people to finish a Netflix series.
Base44, which allows users to build apps by simply explaining what they want in plain language, grew from zero to 250,000 users in just six months, proving once and for all that the tech industry has completely lost its f@#king mind.
EXPERTS STUNNED BY REVENUE-TO-EFFORT RATIO
“This represents a paradigm shift in how little work humans need to do to become obscenely wealthy,” explains Dr. Barely Worked, professor of Get-Rich-Quick Economics at the University of Cash Money. “Our research indicates Shlomo spent approximately 4.3 minutes per million dollars earned, shattering previous efficiency records held by cryptocurrency scammers.”
The solo founder reportedly built the entire company without outside investment, retaining 100% ownership while his eight employees will share $25 million in bonuses, averaging about $3.1 million each. Meanwhile, your boss just denied your request for a $50 WFH stipend to cover internet costs.
INVESTORS FRANTICALLY SEARCHING FOR “OTHER VIBES” TO FUND
Silicon Valley venture capitalists are reportedly in a frenzy trying to locate other “vibe adjacent” technologies to throw money at.
“I just wired $12 million to someone who said they’re building a ‘quantum vibe resonator,'” admitted Chad Frothington III of Sequoia Capital. “I have absolutely no idea what it does, but it has both ‘quantum’ AND ‘vibe’ in the title, so mathematically it should be worth at least a billion.”
THE MAN BEHIND THE VIBES SPEAKS
When reached for comment, Shlomo was refreshingly honest: “Look, I’m as surprised as anyone. I literally wrote some code that lets people type what they want into a box, and the computer figures it out. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.”
Sources close to the deal report that Wix executives were so desperate to acquire Base44 that they didn’t even ask what the name meant. “We assumed it was some profound mathematical concept,” admitted one Wix board member who requested anonymity. “Turns out it’s just the number of days it took him to build the MVP while playing Fortnite on the side.”
ACTUALLY SKILLED PROGRAMMERS FACE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS
Meanwhile, developers who spent years mastering complex programming languages are questioning their life choices.
“I have three computer science degrees and 15 years of experience,” lamented senior engineer Julia Chen. “Yesterday I spent eight hours debugging a single function. This motherf@#ker made $80 million by creating what’s essentially a fancy autocomplete. I’m going to become a shepherd.”
NEXT UP: OPENAI PREPARES FOR BIOWEAPONS, BECAUSE WHY NOT ADD TO THE EXISTENTIAL DREAD
In completely unrelated news that definitely won’t keep you up at night, OpenAI announced it’s implementing new safety measures to prevent its next-generation AI models from helping users create deadly biological weapons.
“We’re taking proactive steps to ensure our technology doesn’t accidentally help users engineer super-viruses or designer plagues,” said Dr. Idon Givafuck, OpenAI’s Chief Apocalypse Prevention Officer. “Our models will be trained to respond to requests like ‘How do I create anthrax?’ with helpful alternatives such as ‘Have you considered a nice hobby like knitting?'”
According to industry statisticians, approximately 96.8% of the company’s safety research now involves preventing the silicon-based thinking rectangles from either destroying humanity or helping humanity destroy itself, which feels totally fine and not at all concerning.
DATA SHOWS WORKERS PREFER AI THAT DOESN’T COMPLETELY REPLACE THEM, SHOCKING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
A Stanford study surveying 1,500 workers revealed the shocking discovery that people generally don’t want to be completely replaced by algorithm Americans. The groundbreaking research, which cost millions to produce, found that workers primarily want AI to automate boring tasks like scheduling and data entry while letting humans handle the parts of jobs that make existence tolerable.
“This revolutionary finding suggests workers prefer having purpose and meaning in their lives,” noted Dr. Obvious Conclusion from Stanford’s Department of Studies That Confirm What Everyone Already Knew.
The study also found that 41% of Y Combinator startups are focused on developing AI that does exactly what workers don’t want, which is coincidentally the most Y Combinator thing ever.
In response to the findings, tech CEOs across Silicon Valley immediately issued statements pledging to “deeply consider this feedback” before completely ignoring it and automating everyone’s jobs anyway.
STARTUP FOUNDER CONCLUDES INTERVIEW FROM NEW YACHT: “MAYBE I’LL MAKE THE NEXT ONE JUST VIBES HARDER”
As we concluded our interview, Shlomo called in from his newly purchased yacht where he was contemplating his next venture.
“I’m thinking about making an app that just generates startup ideas that sound good enough for VCs to fund,” he mused while sipping champagne. “I’ll call it VibeFund. The entire business plan is just the word ‘vibes’ repeated 80 million times in a PDF, each in a slightly different font.”
At press time, he had already received $120 million in pre-seed funding.
