Keir Starmer Heroically Skips AI Summit to Avoid Tedious Elon Musk Monologue
In a bold move that experts are hailing as “the most relatable decision of his career,” UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has decided to skip the upcoming international AI summit in Paris, presumably in an effort to avoid being trapped in a room while Elon Musk waxes poetic about the dangers of chatbots taking over the world.
While other world leaders—including Emmanuel Macron, Narendra Modi, and, for some reason, JD Vance—will be in attendance, Starmer has bravely opted to stay home, perhaps binge-watching old episodes of The West Wing instead of subjecting himself to yet another roundtable discussion where tech billionaires pretend they’re the last hope for humanity.
“All due respect to my international colleagues, but I simply do not have the mental bandwidth to endure another 12-hour session of Musk’s doomsday predictions followed by Macron trying to make them sound sexier in French,” a source close to Starmer revealed.
The AI summits, originally launched by former Prime Minister Rishi Sunak in a transparent attempt to appear futuristic while avoiding questions about actual governance, have become a regular occurrence. While topics such as ethical AI development and global cooperation are on the agenda, leaked meeting notes from last year’s gathering revealed that the majority of discussions revolved around billionaires reassuring each other that governments will never actually regulate them.
Political analysts are divided on Starmer’s absence. Some argue that skipping the summit risks souring relations with France, while others note that Macron is already annoyed with the UK’s existence in general, so missing a PowerPoint-heavy event likely won’t tip the scales much further.
Meanwhile, JD Vance, who—as America’s most random AI expert—managed to find his way onto the guest list, expressed his disappointment in Starmer’s no-show. “The UK’s presence is vital in shaping AI’s future. Also, I was hoping he could give me tips on how to look more serious when nodding in meetings,” Vance allegedly said, adjusting his tie for dramatic effect.
Despite the controversy, Starmer remains determined not to buckle under pressure. “At the end of the day, my top priority is the British people,” he reportedly told aides. “And nothing about listening to Elon Musk rant about AI sentience aligns with that mission.”
