Snapchat Unveils Augmented Reality Glasses With AI So Advanced, It Dies After 45 Minutes

In what could only be described as a groundbreaking achievement in planned obsolescence, Snapchat has decided to bless the world with its fifth-generation Spectacles, those savvy new AR glasses that make your Snapchat philandering feel slightly more avant-garde while running on that glorious new Snap OS. The catch? A battery life comparable to a caffeinated fruit fly.

“Bringing Snapchat to the real world was our vision,” claimed Ima Visionary, Snap’s Chief Innovation Officer. “Nothing says innovation like needing a $99/month subscription for spectacles that cut out faster than a teenager’s interest in algebra.”

Users can now enjoy a robust deep-dive into augmented reality…for a solid 45 minutes. After that, they must resort to the archaic tradition of reliving reality unaided, which takes its toll on tech-dependent zombies. Some say it’s a cunning strategy to remind people of how real life used to be dull before being filtered through a dog ear lens.

While Meta’s Ray-Bans may offer longer sustenance for their inner technocrats, Snap remains undeterred. “Who needs longer virtual escapades when you can daydream about your Snap mishaps while the glasses charge for two hours?” added Visionary.

Their promo includes boasting a menu decked out with cameras and sensors for “full freedom of movement,” making tripping over your ex’s beeta sweatpants while internally cringing at their lens-augmented face swap absolute bliss. All of these features are confined to a view so narrow, you’re questioning if the real world is just one big Snapchat filter gone awry.

Developers have reportedly embraced these futuristic monocles in droves, no doubt drawn by the allure of frequent charging breaks to catch up on earthly matters. “I don’t even need coffee breaks anymore,” said Techno Glimpsee, an early adopter. “By the time I make a mug, the glasses need more juice than my dehydrator during fruit season.”

Now, with AI video and portrait generation features, users can make an entire Hollywood blockbuster from a Facebook profile picture left over from 2009. Revolutionary!

What makes these specs the epitome of avant-garde? While your AR visuals last under an hour, the sheer joy of financial servitude for unnecessary tech can sustain a lifetime! Just imagine it: a new dimension where your eyesight and the depth of your pockets both remain tragically limited.