**Startup Raises $3M to Let Computers Judge Your Crappy Car**
Move over, nosy mechanics and judgmental insurance adjusters, there’s a new critic in town. Self Inspection, a San Diego-based startup, just secured $3 million to let artificial intelligence do what humans have done for decades—stare at your beat-up car and silently judge your life choices.
Founded in 2021, Self Inspection aims to revolutionize vehicle inspections by replacing human expertise with an AI that has never touched a wrench but has seen a lot of pictures. The company promises faster, cheaper inspections because, apparently, the world was suffering from an epidemic of cars sitting idle for too long, just waiting for a human to say, “Yep, that’s a dent.”
“People hate waiting for inspections,” CEO Brent Carlson said. “With our AI, you can now get bad news immediately, instead of a day later.” The system scans a vehicle with a smartphone camera, then uses sophisticated algorithms to determine if your ride is roadworthy or just a really sad metal sculpture.
The AI’s judgment? Brutal. A leaked demo showed the system labeling a 2012 Honda Civic as a “wheeled embarrassment” and a slightly scratched Tesla as “total garbage, please set on fire immediately.” Users have complained of excessive harshness, but the company’s engineers insist that brutal honesty is necessary. “We’re just training AI to be like a real insurance adjuster: cold, efficient, and vaguely condescending,” said lead developer Jake Ramirez.
Some traditional mechanics are concerned about being replaced. “So now a damn computer decides if a tire’s gonna blow out?” asked longtime mechanic Tony Ricci. “What happens when someone dies because a glorified Instagram filter missed a cracked brake line?” Self Inspection assures skeptics that their technology is “approximately 60% accurate,” meaning two out of five people might want to cross their fingers before merging onto the freeway.
Despite the controversy, investors are thrilled. “This is exactly what the world needs—more automation and less accountability,” said venture capitalist Laura Finch. “We can’t wait for AI to start doing jury duty next.”
For now, Self Inspection is focused on growth, with plans to expand into used car dealerships, rental services, and, eventually, awkward first dates where AI will scan both the car and the driver’s financial stability.
