Samsung Unveils Groundbreaking Small Phone That’s Slightly Different Than the Last One

Samsung has once again changed the game by… not really changing the game. The Galaxy S25, the tiniest and most “affordable” version of the company’s flagship lineup, is here to remind everyone that innovation is just a slightly tweaked version of last year’s phone with some AI slapped on top.

Retailing at a truly budget-friendly £799 (€919/$800/A$1,399, because currency conversion is just another scam at this point), the S25 is basically last year’s model but with a chip so powerful, it might actually judge you for still using a 2019 Android. Gone are the days when smaller phones meant lower performance. Now, they’re just smaller, but still somehow expensive.

“If you loved the Galaxy S24, you will be mildly surprised by the S25,” said Samsung spokesperson Alan Cho, struggling to hold back a yawn. “It’s got AI now. Which means absolutely nothing but sounds futuristic enough to justify another yearly upgrade.”

The AI features, Samsung’s favorite buzzword of the year, include auto-editing photos to remove your ex and a voice assistant that will pretend to understand your daily existential crisis before reassuring you it’s “just a phase.” Meanwhile, battery life remains “acceptable,” which, in phone terms, means it won’t die immediately but don’t expect it to survive a full day of doomscrolling.

Fans of Samsung who have already sold their old phones in preparation for this upgrade have reported feeling “thrilled but also kind of scammed,” a delicate emotional balance known as consumer loyalty.

When asked why people should throw away their perfectly good Samsung Galaxy S24 for what is essentially an S24 with a minor facelift, Cho confidently replied, “Because we need you to.”

And really, that’s all the reason anyone ever needs.