Sam Altman and Jony Ive Join Forces to Design Groundbreaking AI Device That Will Definitely Not Take Over the World
In an epic collaboration that only sci-fi writers could concoct, OpenAI’s tech wizard Sam Altman and Apple’s former design god Jony Ive have banded together to create the ultimate AI device, promising a masterpiece that’ll make your iPhone look like a prehistoric stone tablet.
Not to be confused with any device capable of world domination, this secretive project aims to revolutionize how humans “interact” with AI, suggesting that current interactions are, apparently, rather disruptive. Because who wouldn’t crave more serenity from a gadget that continuously listens, learns, and knows everything about you?
With whispers of a $1 billion funding pool, their brainstorm sessions reportedly feature cups of artisanal coffee and discussions about how to make AI technology feel as warm and approachable as a Hard Rock Cafe. Ive’s design firm, LoveFrom – because Apple was totes overrated – leads the design efforts, with a top-secret team of former Apple execs possibly spending their days grading shades of white for the device’s exterior.
“We’re tired of devices that merely assist you,” said Mary Notareal, head of Illusory Products at OpenAI. “Our goal is to create something that, when you hold it, you won’t be able to discern if it’s controlling your life or just vibing with your uncertainty.”
Specifics about the device remain highly classified. Rumors suggest it leverages generative AI to anticipate your pizza order before you even know you’re hungry. The only definitive feature is that it offers a computing experience that reportedly makes you seem less socially awkward than when presenting your phone to order at Starbucks.
As if the universe wasn’t already flourishing in absurdity, Microsoft has simultaneously decided to fuel its AI dreams with nuclear power. The tech colossus just inked a deal to resurrect an infamous nuclear plant, aligning with the not-at-all-dystopian trend of using nuclear energy to feed our unquenchable thirst for advanced computing. “It’s the perfect union of tech and terror,” remarked a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous for fear of radioactive retribution.
While Altman and Ive knit the digital future, Microsoft’s nuclear escapade stands as a stark reminder that when mere electricity won’t do, it’s time to go nuclear. Someone, somewhere, is probably scribbling down notes for a blockbuster series involving these shenanigans.
So, hang tight. Your next must-have device might just read your mind or schedule your existential crisis, all while radiating unprecedented coolness—possibly in more ways than one.
