Robot Butlers Set to Arrive by 2025: Prepare Your Wallets and Dignity
CALIFORNIA — In a monumental leap forward in human laziness, Weave robotics has announced Isaac, the robot butler poised to make humans even less capable of completing household chores. Forget personal responsibility, because for a mere $59,000, you can have a mechanical servant to fold your laundry, feed your pets, and generally confirm your laziness—all without any complaints or attempts at a coup against their human overlords.
Set to arrive at the homes of 30 exceptionally detached-from-reality U.S. customers by fall 2025, Isaac is the culmination of years of scientists asking, “What if you never had to do anything ever again?” and engineers responding, “Challenge accepted.” Isaac operates with voice or text commands and will politely as hell fold its little camera away when not in use—so you can maintain the illusion of privacy.
Prospective buyers will be comforted to know that they’ll never have to break a sweat again, but their bank accounts might. Weave’s CEO, Imaginary Richperson, stresses that this venture isn’t just for the ultra-wealthy. “For just $1,385 a month, you too can experience the luxury of yelling at a servant that can’t yell back,” they stated with a completely genuine smile.
According to industry whispers, the race for robotic home slavery is heating up, with Tesla’s Optimus, 1X’s NEO Beta, and China’s AGIBOT eagerly preparing to drag us down this slippery slope to effortless uselessness. Meanwhile, human gym subscriptions continue to nosedive.
“We’re just thrilled at the prospect of not putting our clothes away, ever again,” said Enthused Robot Enthusiast, who has already signed over his firstborn for a robot reservation. “It’s like living in Downton Abbey, but without all the human emotions or plotlines.”
By 2025, expect fully-automated homes where human activity is limited to swiping on dating apps and wondering where it all went wrong. Prepare to welcome your new metallic family member—and find solace in the fact that soon, even having kids with questionable names will be obsolete.
