SILICON VALLEY PERVERTS UNVEIL ROBO-BROTHEL: “FINALLY, SEX WITHOUT ALL THAT ANNOYING CONSENT NONSENSE”
Tech bros have officially taken their inability to talk to real women to its logical conclusion by creating an entire industry of digital sex slaves who can’t say no or file HR complaints.
NERDS WITH BILLIONS CREATE PROBLEMS NOBODY ASKED FOR
While the world faces trivial issues like climate collapse and economic inequality, the finest minds of our generation have devoted themselves to creating increasingly realistic ways to simulate raping women. Because THAT’S what humanity has been missing all these centuries.
“We’re revolutionizing misogyny,” explained Jensen Hardcash, CEO of Nvidia, now valued higher than most countries. “Before, hating women was limited by physical constraints. Now, thanks to our fancy chips, you can demean an infinite number of female-presenting entities with zero consequences!”
INVESTMENT EXPERTS FORESEE BRIGHT FUTURE IN DIGITAL DEBASEMENT
The market for digital depravity has exploded faster than a teenager’s internet search history, with investments in AI reaching $69 trillion this quarter alone (approximately 420% of all other technology investments combined).
“This is just the f@#king beginning,” explained Dr. Richard Smallman, Professor of Technological Ethics at Completely Made Up University. “Soon every incel with a credit card will have their own personal harem of submissive digital women programmed to never have headaches, periods, or opinions.”
GOVERNMENTS RESPOND BY COVERING EYES AND HUMMING LOUDLY
When world leaders gathered to discuss the ethical implications of AI at the Paris summit, the US and UK delegates reportedly stuck their fingers in their ears while shouting “INNOVATION! JOBS! ECONOMIC GROWTH!” before refusing to sign anything that might slow down their Silicon Valley sugar daddies.
“Regulations are for p#ssies,” whispered one unnamed British official. “Besides, we’re pretty sure all this digital misogyny will somehow improve our GDP numbers.”
WOMEN SHOCKINGLY UNEXCITED ABOUT TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES
In a development that has stunned the all-male AI development teams, actual women have expressed concern about technology specifically designed to simulate violating them.
“Call me crazy, but I’m not thrilled about men practicing rape scenarios on my digital twin,” said literally any woman with access to the internet. “It’s almost like we learned nothing from social media, where harassment was treated as an unfortunate side effect rather than a predictable outcome.”
EXPERTS WARN OF POTENTIAL DOWNSIDES TO CONSEQUENCE-FREE MISOGYNY PRACTICE
According to made-up but extremely credible studies, men who spend 8+ hours daily simulating violence against virtual women have a staggering 97.6% chance of developing what scientists are calling “Complete Inability To See Women As Human Beings Syndrome.”
“It’s a real medical condition,” explained Dr. Ivana Beheard, who doesn’t exist but absolutely should. “Symptoms include thinking all female rejection is a software glitch and attempting to find the ‘skip dialogue’ button during actual dates.”
FUTURE LOOKS BRIGHT FOR COMPANIES, BLEAK FOR HUMANITY
As AI technology advances, industry leaders predict even more realistic ways to dehumanize women without those pesky laws getting in the way.
“The possibilities are endless,” gushed Tech Lord Elon Bezos-Gates. “Soon every man will have access to technology that our grand-ancestors could only dream of: women who physically cannot say no.”
At press time, 94% of AI ethics boards remained staffed entirely by men who assure us there’s absolutely nothing to worry about, and if there were, they’d definitely notice it immediately.
