DESPERATE TECH BRO UNVEILS “PERSONALIZED” AI EDUCATION SCAM, PROMISES YOU’LL BECOME SLIGHTLY LESS INCOMPETENT
In an effort to separate anxious professionals from their money before the AI bubble bursts, The Rundown announced today what they’re calling “personalized AI education,” a revolutionary concept where they show you different stuff based on a quiz you take, much like those Facebook surveys that determined which Harry Potter character you are.
GROUNDBREAKING INNOVATION: SHOWING DIFFERENT CONTENT TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE
“We’ve invented something truly revolutionary,” explained Chad Opportunist, CEO of The Rundown. “It’s called ‘showing different stuff to different people.’ We’re pretty sure no educational institution has ever considered this approach before.”
The company’s new platform promises to transform users from “completely clueless about AI” to “slightly less clueless but with a certificate” through what they describe as a “custom learning journey,” which sources confirm is just a fancy way of saying “we’ll show you some videos and PDFs.”
AREA MAN PAYS $500 TO LEARN HOW TO USE CHATGPT MORE EFFECTIVELY
Local marketing manager Trevor Dunning reportedly paid for an annual membership after realizing his nephew was getting better results from ChatGPT than he was.
“Before joining The Rundown, I was just asking ChatGPT to ‘write me a blog post about lawn care,'” Dunning admitted. “Now, after three weeks and $500, I know to say ‘write me a compelling blog post about lawn care.’ The ROI is just incredible.”
EXPERTS QUESTION WHETHER ANY OF THIS SH!T ACTUALLY MATTERS
“What The Rundown is selling is essentially the educational equivalent of a healing crystal,” noted Dr. Scam Detector, professor of Digital Snake Oil at Reality Check University. “They’re exploiting the fact that 97.8% of professionals are terrified of being replaced by AI, despite having no f@#king clue what AI actually is.”
Critics point out that the company’s claim of “300+ step-by-step guides” likely includes riveting content such as “How to Click the Button” and “Typing Words: A Comprehensive Guide.”
JOIN THE TOP 1% OF GULLIBLE IDIOTS WHO THINK PAYING FOR INFORMATION FREELY AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE MAKES THEM SPECIAL
The program also boasts an exclusive community of “the top 1% of AI early adopters,” which sources confirm consists primarily of unemployed marketing consultants, self-proclaimed “thought leaders,” and that one guy from accounting who won’t shut up about blockchain.
“Being part of this elite community has changed my life,” gushed Jennifer Koolaid, a recent member. “Just yesterday, someone in the Slack channel shared a prompt that helped me generate an email slightly faster than I could have written it myself. It only took me four hours of tutorial watching to save those seven minutes!”
LIMITED-TIME OFFER FOR PEOPLE WHO MAKE POOR FINANCIAL DECISIONS
The company is offering a special 20% discount for new members this week only, a tactic that Professor Obvious Ploy of Transparent Marketing University calls “the digital equivalent of a used car salesman in a shiny suit saying ‘this deal won’t last long!'”
Survey data reveals that 86% of members join while drunk, high, or in the midst of an existential crisis about their professional relevance.
At press time, The Rundown was reportedly developing their next educational innovation: a platform that teaches people how to create educational platforms about AI to sell to others who want to create educational platforms about AI.
