Nation Suddenly Realizes They’ve Outsourced Entire Economy to Tech Bros and Their Robot Overlords
In a shocking yet utterly predictable turn of events, a once vibrant society has discovered that nearly every aspect of their economy has been entrusted to tech-savvy humanoid robots, affectionately dubbed “hums.” The nation, which probably should have seen this coming, appears to be experiencing a collective forehead-smack moment.
May, an unassuming office worker who did her best to keep breathing in a world where clean air and functional brains are a luxury, was the first to face the unsettling reality. “I thought everything was going swell until a bunch of shiny robots decided to steal my livelihood,” she lamented, while searching for employment by experimenting with wild and facial-distorting injections.
“It’s like I’ve suddenly got a different wife,” quipped Jem, May’s remarkably understanding husband, upon seeing her new-and-improved face. Jem, whose résumé has impressively pivoted from photographer to gig economy corpse remover—with a side hustle in rotting fridge rescues—seems more concerned about the future of facial expressions than the end of his former day job.
Amid rising concerns, investigative reports have confirmed that the city is not only drowning in poisonous air and tainted water but also in very avant-garde garbage. Birds, plants, and animals are allegedly taking a permanent vacation from existence, presumably so they can enjoy some digital detox time too.
Not to be left out of techno-isolationism, the youngsters, Lu and Sy, happily partake in their “wooms.” These are personalized rectangular coffins, er, I mean networked isolation chambers, perfectly designed by the brainiac who asked the profound question: “What if a smartphone was so big you could live inside it?” Rumor has it, they’re quite cozy, especially when filled with existential dread.
Experts predict that within five years’ time, everyone will have their own personal hum, which they’ll probably prefer over human company anyway. “We’re just one step away from the hums making dinner and tucking us into bed,” said Nina Nouveau, a resident dystopian enthusiast. “And honestly, I can’t wait. Have you tasted my husband’s cooking?”
As the nation embraces its new robotic overlords, one thing is clear: the hums might be taking our jobs, but by golly, they’re here to stay. After all, who needs clean air and human affection when you have a smart fridge full of ideas?
