Australian University Outsmarts AI Cheating by Reverting to Caveman Grunts and Finger Painting
In a blisteringly bold move reminiscent of a Neanderthal family reunion, the University of South Australia has decided to tackle artificial intelligence and exam cheating by reintroducing an outdated technique that quite literally screams, “let’s give up already” — the oral tradition of *viva voce*. Yes, folks, forget about technology and step right back into the town square of the Stone Age where speaking, instead of typing, is now the pinnacle of brilliance.
This radical throwback to pre-Byzantine times may sound unconventional in today’s high-tech panorama, but who needs keyboards when you can channel Aristotle and solve complex algebraic equations… verbally. After all, nothing beats the adrenaline-rush surrounding a student hesitating in front of a panel of stern professors as they ask, “Can you spell ‘AI’?” With chatbots spitting out gobbledygook faster than professors can say “plagiarism,” the university’s cunning plan to counter modern cheating scandals involves the brutal tactic of not letting students bring any tools more advanced than vocal cords and perhaps a lively hand gesture or two.
Vice Chancellor Regina Woolworth exclaimed, “Our new approach ensures students internalize knowledge, not Google it! Basically, they’ll talk their way through education, just like politicians do on their resumes.” Meanwhile, international students are charged double for the privilege of drawing stick figures on dusty slate boards while professors nod approvingly like ancient village elders.
Critics have already dubbed this scheme “word of mouth meets word salad,” but advocates argue it’s not all stone carvings and manilla paper. “If you can’t communicate it through grunts and clicks, do you even know it?” challenged Professor Graham Stutterstein, as he demonstrated how to eloquently mime the quadratic formula. Students have responded by perfecting their blank stares and sweating profusely while dancing interpretatively their knowledge of macroeconomics.
In response to this innovative strategy, tech companies and digital distractors everywhere are in turmoil, worried that universities might next shun Wi-Fi in favor of smoke signals, or libraries filled with something known as ‘books.’
One can only await the unfolding of this academic revolution where the ultimate goal is clear: if you can’t pronounce ‘ChatGPT,’ you don’t deserve to use it.
