OpenAI Leaps at Chance to Fix All Problems by Hiring Random Guy from Uber
In a completely innovative move that shocks absolutely no one, OpenAI has decided to solve every conceivable challenge in the world of artificial intelligence by hiring a former Uber executive as their Chief Compliance Officer. After all, who better to navigate the labyrinth of AI ethics than someone who previously helped a company known for its ethical dile—err, ridesharing services.
Sources close to the inside dealings of OpenAI say that the organization is thrilled to infuse its culture with Uber’s renowned expertise in compliance, diplomacy, and, of course, “move fast and break things” mentality. Never before has the tech world seen such a promising union between random sectors of digital chaos.
Experts have already voiced their enthusiastic support. “This is like hiring a fox to guard a hen house, but, you know, a really understanding, risk-assessing fox,” stated Dr. Ima Contrarian, a compliance guru and part-time stand-up comedian.
The new hire, whose name was briefly mentioned in the fine print of an unofficial memo, personifies the epitome of corporate matchmaking genius. His main qualification seems to be his skill in surviving Uber’s erstwhile controversial climate with a smile that says, “I may have screwed up, but I did it charmingly.” OpenAI apparently spotted this skill as a “must-have” for their expanding bunker of geniuses.
“We’re especially excited about the innovative ideas in compliance he’s bringing along,” explained an OpenAI spokesperson. “I mean, why settle for clear, comprehensive policies when you can have a constant state of calculated ambiguity? Keeps everyone on their toes!”
As OpenAI continues its journey towards presumably world domination or whatever it is super smart AI companies are after, stakeholders are assured that this bold hire will at least provide some stunning dinner conversations. And possibly some Uber rides on the side.
Time will tell if this avant-garde approach to melding mobility services with machine walking—the human kind—yields all the fun chaos Silicon Valley secretly craves. Until then, passengers are advised to buckle up and enjoy the ride with a side of algorithmic uncertainty.
