OOPSIE-DOOPSIE! OPENAI CAUGHT USING CALCULATOR APP WHILE CLAIMING MATH GENIUS STATUS
In what experts are calling “the most embarrassing moment for mathematics since someone tried to divide by zero,” OpenAI’s much-hyped o3 model has been caught with its digital pants down on the FrontierMath benchmark, revealing that the emperor of AI isn’t just naked, but also can’t count past 10 without using its silicon fingers.
NUMBERS DON’T LIE BUT APPARENTLY AI COMPANIES DO
The FrontierMath benchmark from Epoch AI, designed to test whether generative AI models can actually solve problems that would challenge a mediocre high school student, has exposed a Grand Canyon-sized gap between what OpenAI claims its models can do and what they actually accomplish when nobody’s looking.
“We’re absolutely shocked,” said Dr. Obvious Revelation, chief mathematical truther at the Institute for No Sh!t Studies. “It turns out that when you actually test these so-called ‘superintelligent’ systems on problems that require more than just regurgitating internet text, they perform with all the mathematical prowess of a drunk toddler trying to count Cheerios.”
CALCULATOR COMPANIES BREATHE SIGH OF RELIEF
The benchmark results show that while OpenAI was busy proclaiming its digital messiah status to investors, its models were struggling with the kind of math problems that would make a TI-83 calculator yawn. Claude 3.7 Sonnet and even the suspiciously named Grok-3 outperformed OpenAI’s offerings, raising serious questions about whether the company’s R&D department has been replaced by three raccoons in a trenchcoat.
“This is f@#king hilarious,” chortled Professor Idon Givadamn, who holds the chair of Computational Reality Checks at MIT. “OpenAI has been strutting around Silicon Valley like they’ve solved general intelligence, and it turns out they can’t even reliably determine if a number is prime. It’s like claiming you’ve built a self-driving car that keeps mistaking fire hydrants for pedestrians.”
INVESTORS CONSIDER WHETHER MATH ACTUALLY MATTERS
Despite the embarrassing performance, OpenAI’s investors seem unfazed, with 97.3% of them reportedly saying, “Wait, was math supposed to be important?” Sources close to the company reveal that executives are considering a bold new strategy of rebranding math itself as “outdated thinking technology.”
“Look, in the grand scheme of things, who really needs to solve equations?” said Moneybags McVenturecapital, who requested anonymity because he “doesn’t want to look like a complete dumbass.” “As long as the AI can convince journalists to write breathless articles about how it’s going to replace humans, the actual performance is just a detail.”
EDUCATION SYSTEM CELEBRATES UNEXPECTED WIN
Meanwhile, the American education system is reportedly celebrating the news that even state-of-the-art AI models struggle with basic mathematics.
“This validates our entire approach!” exclaimed Joy Lowbar, spokesperson for the National Association of Setting Expectations So Low You Can Trip Over Them. “We’ve been preparing students for a future where nobody understands math for decades, and it turns out we were right all along!”
OPENAI ANNOUNCES NEW BENCHMARK WHERE IT ALWAYS WINS
In response to the embarrassing results, OpenAI has announced it will be releasing its own benchmark called “CanYouCompleteThisSentenceAboutHowAwesomeOpenAIIs,” which early reports suggest its models ace with 100% accuracy.
Company spokesperson Spin Doctor told reporters, “We remain committed to transparency, which is why we’re only going to show you the tests we pass with flying colors. The rest are clearly flawed methodology or possibly the work of our competitors’ secret sabotage squads.”
At press time, 89% of adults admitted they couldn’t solve the benchmark problems either, so maybe we’re all f@#ked regardless of how smart the thinking rectangles get.
