OpenAI Buys Chat.com for Price Equivalent to One Mid-Range Manhattan Apartment, Proves Humanity’s Addiction to Shorter URLs
In a groundbreaking move that has digital real estate agents drooling into their ergonomic keyboards, OpenAI has purchased the domain name chat.com for a sum just north of $15 million—effectively the GDP of a small island nation or, you know, what you might expect to pay for the chance to live in 800 square feet in Soho.
The purchase was confirmed by Sam Altman, OpenAI’s foremost collector of catchy web addresses, who gleefully announced that chat.com will now sidestep the antiquated “ChatGPT” name. For those keeping score, this acquisition marks one of the largest domain deals in history, setting the bar higher for any future would-be domain squatters who thought $15 million was too much for a single word.
“ChatGPT always felt a bit too much like a tongue twister,” Altman disclosed to a room full of bemused tech journalists. “Now, with ‘chat.com,’ even our company emails will be 40% more efficient.”
The transaction also rewarded HubSpot founder and part-time internet landlord Dharmesh Shah with a considerable mound of cash. Interestingly, speculation runs rampant that Shah may have actually traded the domain for a few OpenAI shares instead. You know, because a multi-billion-dollar startup’s equity is a pretty sweet throw-in when you’re already making a $15M deposit.
Contrary to the linear logic we expect from the tech overlords guiding our future, Altman’s true aim of shortening “ChatGPT” to simply “chat” is allegedly a stab at immortality. According to absolutely no inside sources, OpenAI plans to do away with all superfluous words, eventually hoping to train a model that speaks only in punctuation marks by 2030.
“This isn’t just about simplifying our brand,” said an anonymous man who could very well not even work at OpenAI. “It’s about embracing a post-GPT future where our most esteemed features will consist of perfectly silent operating systems that hum gently like a Zen master.”
So, as we inevitably enter a new epoch where every dot-com fiefdom is duked out for escalating sums that could either buy a yacht or fund a ten-part docuseries on domain name economics, one thing is for sure: The less you say, the more you pay.
As the digital world continues to shrink its alphabet, we can’t help but wonder what will happen when URLs finally reach the length of a single emoji. Will the apocalypse resume, or merely pause for tech companies to outbid each other for “💬.com”? Time—and a fun game of fiscal brinkmanship—will tell.
