TECH GIANT’S “REVOLUTIONARY” HARDWARE REVEALED AS BLATANT KNOCKOFF: “WE JUST CHANGED ONE LETTER AND CALLED IT INNOVATION”
Silicon Valley Darling Literally Scrubbed From Internet After Meeting With Smaller Company Suddenly Results In Suspiciously Identical Product
COURT TELLS OPENAI TO “OPEN YOUR F#CKING EYES” AND STOP STEALING
In what experts are calling “the most obvious corporate theft since Facebook stole everything from literally everyone,” OpenAI has been forced to remove all promotional materials for its much-hyped “io” hardware collaboration with Apple design legend Jony Ive after a court order revealed they basically just stole the whole damn thing from Google X spinoff “iyO.”
The $6.5 billion acquisition of absolutely nothing original has vanished from the internet faster than your privacy in a terms of service agreement, with all videos and blog posts mysteriously disappearing after legal documents showed OpenAI execs met with iyO multiple times before suddenly announcing their “groundbreaking” product that just happened to have nearly the same name and identical concept.
“It’s the corporate equivalent of copying someone’s homework but changing just enough words so the teacher doesn’t notice,” explained Dr. Obvious Plagiarism, professor of Tech Ethics at Silicon Valley State University. “Except in this case, they literally just flipped two letters and hoped no one would notice.”
THE SMOKING GUN MEETINGS THAT ABSOLUTELY DON’T LOOK SUSPICIOUS AT ALL
Court filings reveal that Sam Altman and Jony Ive’s LoveFrom design firm met with iyO in 2022 and then again in Spring 2025 – just weeks before announcing their revolutionary not-at-all-stolen product. During these meetings, LoveFrom employees allegedly purchased iyO’s device and Altman personally asked the company to share details about their technology, in what company insiders describe as “the most obvious corporate espionage since that time Elon Musk toured a factory and then built an identical one.”
OpenAI responded to the allegations with the corporate equivalent of “nuh-uh,” calling the trademark complaint “utterly baseless” while quietly removing all evidence of the product from existence.
EXPERTS WEIGH IN ON WHAT THE F@CK IS HAPPENING
Tech analyst Heidi Stealit, founder of Innovation Appropriation Metrics, provided context: “Our research shows that 87% of so-called ‘innovation’ in Silicon Valley is just stealing sh!t from smaller companies who can’t afford good lawyers. The remaining 13% is just adding AI to existing products that worked perfectly fine without it.”
An anonymous source close to the project told AI Antics: “Look, we tried coming up with our own ideas, but that’s really hard. It’s much easier to just let small companies do all the risky R&D work, then swoop in, buy them out or copy them, and act like we’re geniuses.”
REDDIT CONSIDERS IRIS-SCANNING TECHNOLOGY BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE’VE LEARNED NOTHING FROM DYSTOPIAN SCI-FI
In related news that absolutely won’t end badly, Reddit is reportedly in talks to implement Sam Altman’s iris-scanning World ID Orb system to verify users are actual humans and not AI.
“We’re excited to be the first major platform to require users to literally scan their eyeballs to post memes,” said a fictitious Reddit spokesperson. “What could possibly go wrong with creating a global biometric database of internet users? It’s not like every sci-fi movie ever made has warned against this exact scenario.”
The system promises to keep users anonymous while simultaneously scanning their unique biological identifiers into a permanent, unalterable database – a contradiction that makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it at all.
SILICON VALLEY INNOVATION PROCESS REVEALED
Industry insiders say the standard process for “innovation” in tech now follows this simple flow chart:
1. Find smaller company doing something cool
2. Schedule “partnership” meeting
3. Ask detailed questions about their tech
4. Ghost them completely
5. Announce identical product with slight name change
6. Act shocked when they notice
7. Outspend them on legal fees until they give up
When reached for comment about the striking similarities between iyO and io, OpenAI replied: “We don’t comment on pending litigation, but would like to remind everyone that we have $80 billion in funding and can outlast any legal challenge brought by companies with actual original ideas.”
The case continues, with the next court date scheduled for whenever iyO runs out of money fighting tech giants who apparently forgot how to type the word “innovation” without first typing “steal” and then deleting it.
