MPs Courageously Prepare to Understand Internet by Summoning Fictional Universe’s Most Dangerous Characters
In an ambitious attempt to finally understand what the hell is going on with the internet, UK MPs have reportedly summoned Elon Musk — who we assume is just another enigmatic warrior from a galaxy far, far away — to testify about his role in the UK’s grand summer festival of local destruction and Twitter wars that no one can win.
After careful deliberation, the Commons decided we’ve had enough of taking selfies in front of Big Ben and pretending to read reports about the rise of disinformation and AI-generated chaos. So naturally, they’ve concluded that the man who launched cars into space can probably explain why Trevor from Yorkshire tweeted something mildly inflammatory last Wednesday. Let’s hope they have snacks because it’s going to be a long hearing.
In an unprecedented move — for a government known for its unparalleled speed — a parliamentary inquiry is already drawing a roster review akin to the Avengers assembling, but with executives from Meta (formerly known as Facebook in the ’90s) and TikTok making the cut. Mark Zuckerberg and some TikTok influencers have been creatively described as “technology pioneers” and, for lack of better judgment, called to testify about how they’ve managed to keep us scrolling aimlessly for hours rather than rioting in the streets, relatively speaking.
Of course, a spokesperson for Elon Musk, who is currently busy dodging debris in low-Earth orbit, issued a statement: “Elon welcomes the committee’s quidditch match, I mean inquiry. He’s certain he can explain how digital memes and GIFs have the tremendous power to turn civilized society into a circus faster than you can say ‘DogeCoin.’”
Meanwhile, everyone under 30 is wondering why MPs didn’t just slide into Elon’s DMs. “Do these guys even know how to use incognito mode?” questioned a social media strategist who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being dragged to testify next.
With the quest to uncover the secrets of social media, AI, and spontaneous street carnivals well underway, one thing’s for sure—there’s no escape from the real-life dystopian episode of Black Mirror that this comedy of errors is shaping up to be. So grab your popcorn, folks, because the MPs are about to undergo a crash course in “Realities of the Digital Age 101.” Fingers crossed they remember their passwords.
