Meta Unveils AI Model That Can Identify Objects Just Like Your Mom Identifying That Missing Sock in the Laundry
In an astonishing, albeit somewhat unnerving coup for the future of video editing and surveillance, Meta has released its latest technological marvel, Segment Anything Model 2 (SAM 2). This remarkable AI can track and identify objects in real-time video, making it impossible for criminals, errant toddlers, or even those suspiciously soggy sandwiches in your fridge to hide.
“Yeah, it’s like having a billion mothers pointing out your shortcomings, but with video,” says an overly eager Meta engineer who hasn’t seen the sun in months.
While Meta enthusiastically frames this as a gift to aspiring filmmakers and secretive government agencies everywhere, SAM 2 allegedly has the potential to invade privacy with just a couple of clicks. “Video editing is just the start,” said a Meta spokesperson while adjusting his aluminum-foil hat. “We’re talking about mixed realities, scientific research, and perhaps one day detecting whether your date really likes you or just wants free food.”
This open-sourced ball of omnipotence comes on the heels of Meta’s determination to give away free world-dominating tech. Now, anyone with an Internet connection can make tiny edits like removing the background noise of their ex or strategically replacing the gin bottle with a water bottle in family vacation videos.
“When I said ‘segment anything,’ I didn’t mean my refrigerator contents, but here we are,” grumbled an anonymous beta tester who swears SAM 2 saw his cat escape the house even though it never happened.
Billionaire CEOs Mark Zuckerberg and Jensen Huang, taking time out of their grueling schedule of trying to outdo each other’s yachts, took to a fireside chat to lull us into the inevitable AI dystopia. They eagerly shared a utopian future where AI doesn’t simply suggest cat memes but crafts entire epic stories about cats, threatening the livelihood of both the literary elite and cat meme creators.
This groundbreaking announcement has left some wondering if Meta plans to help ease AI’s entry into our living rooms with a free coupon booklet as soon as they figure out how to fix humanity’s innate discomfort with being watched by yet another algorithm.
So grab your popcorn (and aluminum foil hats), folks. The future of “AI can see everything” premieres soon to a living room near you. Stay tuned.
