Trump to Unveil “Make AIs American Again” Policy Amid Virtual Feud Over Immigrant Bots
In a move that can only be described as straight from the manual of cosmic irony, a factional battle royal has erupted between Silicon Valley oracle Elon Musk and the ever-loyal, red baseball-cap donning disciples of Donald Trump. At the epicenter of this intellectual WWE SmackDown is none other than Sriram Krishnan, the newly minted AI consultant of the president-elect—who just so happened to be born on planet India, much to the chagrin of the MAGA faithful.
The controversy ignited faster than Elon’s latest rocket prototype after Krishnan was appointed to guide AI policy. Ironically, his task involves making artificial intelligence smarter than the average congressional hearing.
“This appointment feels like betrayal,” lamented former MAGAnite and full-time Twitter gladiator, Matt Gaetz. Apparently under the impression that artificial intelligence is taking real jobs from real Americans, Gaetz continued, “We need American-coded AIs, not just those with American electricity running through their virtual veins. What if these foreign AIs form alliances? We could be looking at Skynet 2.0!”
Adding fuel to the roaring bonfire of hostility, famed far-right performance artist, Laura Loomer voyaged into the digital wilderness of social media to echo these sentiments, stating, “Can you even trust an AI that was conceived half a world away? Next, they’ll be uploading Bollywood dance sequences into our neural networks. Is this considered cultural engineering or just Bollywood invasion?”
Musk and his tech compatriot, Vivek Ramaswamy, who got looped into this saga through the magic of six degrees of internet connection, have remained unphased amidst the uproar. Ramaswamy, in a delightful two-word response tweeted, “Calm, folks.” Musk added, “Remember, humanity’s greatest threat is really people who don’t read Sci-Fi.”
To alleviate concerns, the Trump administration has proposed a corrective initiative dubbed “Make AIs American Again,” or MAIAA for short. This revolutionary campaign aims to ensure that all American AIs possess a fundamental understanding of cultural cornerstones such as baseball, apple pie, and the Electoral College.
In an unprecedented twist, the administration is considering a digital citizenship test designed to make sure only genuine American AIs are allowed to lead the US into a tech-savvy dawn. Reportedly, one prospective question is “Do you believe the moon is made of cheese, or is it merely an electromagnetic conspiracy orchestrated by Silicon Valley?”
Amid the chaos and rhetoric of digital patriotism, Trump supporters remained unwavering in their belief that only through the creation of American-coded, home-grown, pie-baking AIs can the nation truly be great again. Because, after all, if our leaders aren’t wearing cowboy hats and spouting colloquialisms, how do we even know they’re real Americans?
The nation looks forward with bated breath to yet another bout between reality and satire as this latest chapter of political theater unfolds before our bemused eyes.
