DESPERATE LIB DEMS DEMAND REGULATION OF YOUTUBE ADS, APPARENTLY STILL RELEVANT ENOUGH TO HAVE OPINIONS
In a stunning display of political relevance not seen since Nick Clegg promised not to raise tuition fees, the Liberal Democrats have emerged from whatever dusty corner of Parliament they’ve been hiding in to demand urgent regulation of YouTube advertisements.
THIRD PARTY DESPERATELY SEEKS ATTENTION BY POINTING AT OBVIOUS PROBLEM
The Lib Dems, a political party you vaguely remember existing, have bravely identified that YouTube, a platform where you can watch both nuclear physics lectures and videos of cats riding roombas, might need the same advertising scrutiny as traditional broadcasters.
“We’ve been studying YouTube extensively,” claimed Sir Edmund Irrelevant, Lib Dem spokesperson for Stating The Bloody Obvious. “Our research team spent six months watching cat videos before accidentally clicking on an ad that promised to make them millionaires using Rishi Sunak’s ‘secret investment strategy.’ Three of our MPs have remortgaged their homes.”
The party’s groundbreaking discovery that deepfakes and scams exist online comes approximately four years after everyone else noticed this sh!t happening everywhere.
SHOCKING STATISTICS REVEAL PEOPLE WATCH YOUTUBE
According to recently released data that surprised absolutely f@#king no one, YouTube has surpassed ITV in weekly UK viewership, with an estimated 112% of British children consuming YouTube content 27 hours per day.
“This is deeply concerning,” said Dr. Luddite Technophobe, the Lib Dems’ newly appointed Minister for Things That Scared My Grandparents. “People are watching videos on their telephones instead of proper television. Next thing you know, they’ll stop reading newspapers and start getting news from some sort of ‘inter-net’!”
EXPERTS WEIGH IN ON OBVIOUS PROBLEM EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT
Professor Hindsight Obviousman from the Institute of Things We Already Knew explained: “What we’re seeing is a complex phenomenon where advertisers pay money to show ads to people. This revolutionary concept has only existed since approximately the dawn of civilization.”
When asked why this issue wasn’t addressed years ago when YouTube first surpassed traditional media in viewership, political analyst Dr. Belated Response said, “The Lib Dems needed something to talk about that might get them into the papers. They considered addressing the housing crisis, the cost of living emergency, and climate change, but those topics were already taken by parties people actually vote for.”
GOOGLE RESPONDS WITH CHARACTERISTIC SINCERITY
A Google spokesperson responded to the demands with touching sincerity: “We take this very seriously. So seriously that we’ve created an AI system to automatically generate sincere-sounding responses while we continue to count our money. Did we mention we make approximately £4.7 trillion per second from ads? Because we do.”
Industry insiders report that Google executives were seen frantically googling “Who are the Liberal Democrats?” before issuing their statement.
LIB DEMS PROPOSE SOLUTION: MORE LIB DEMS
The Lib Dems’ proposed solution involves creating a regulatory body staffed entirely by former Lib Dem MPs, of which there are plenty available since most lost their seats years ago.
“Who better to regulate a platform used by millions than a party chosen by dozens?” asked Lib Dem leader Sir Ed Davey, or possibly Sir Vince Cable, or maybe it’s Tim Farron again? Honestly, who the f@#k can keep track anymore?
The party promises this isn’t just a desperate attempt to seem relevant before the next election, where polls suggest they might win enough seats to fill a moderately-sized Prius.
As of press time, 87% of British citizens responded to the Lib Dems’ announcement by saying, “Wait, they’re still a thing?”
