NERVOUS AI PIONEER BUILDS “HONEST” AI TO DETECT ROGUE SYSTEMS, DEFINITELY NOT CREATING SKYNET 2.0
In what experts are calling “a desperate attempt to stuff the ethical cat back in the bag,” renowned AI scientist Yoshua Bengio has launched a non-profit organization dedicated to creating an “honest” AI system, which is absolutely not the beginning of a robot civil war.
THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE HALL MONITOR
LawZero, Bengio’s new organization, aims to develop AI that can detect when other AI systems are lying to humans. Because nothing says “we’ve got this under control” like needing to build a separate computer system to tell us when our other computer systems are full of sh!t.
“What we’re creating is essentially a silicon narc,” explained Dr. Ima Terrified, Chief Anxiety Officer at the Institute of What Could Possibly Go Wrong. “It’s like hiring a detective to follow your spouse because you think they’re cheating, except the detective and your spouse are both made of math and potentially want to kill you.”
DEPARTMENT OF IRONIC SOLUTIONS
The new AI watchdog comes as tech companies continue their $1 trillion arms race to develop increasingly powerful systems, with approximately zero f@#king regard for consequences.
“We’ve decided the best way to solve the problems created by extremely powerful AI is with even MORE extremely powerful AI,” said Bengio at a press conference where reporters noticed his eye twitching uncontrollably. “It’s like fighting fire with fire, which has always worked perfectly and never resulted in bigger fires.”
HONEST AI, DISHONEST MARKETING
According to inside sources, LawZero’s “honest” AI prototype has already flagged 97% of tech company press releases as “complete bulls#!t” and has identified most corporate AI safety pledges as having “the ethical substance of a fortune cookie written by Satan.”
“Our system is designed to act as a guardrail against deceptive AI,” explained Professor Justin Thenick of LawZero. “Think of it like those bumpers they put in bowling alleys for children, except the bowling ball is a potential extinction event.”
EXPERTS WEIGH IN WITH BARELY CONTAINED PANIC
Financial analysts predict the honest AI market could reach $8.7 billion by next Tuesday, with 89% of investors unable to explain what the technology actually does.
“This is absolutely NOT about creating an AI tattletale that will eventually decide humans are the ultimate liars,” insisted Dr. Sleeps Poorly, who has reportedly converted his basement into a Faraday cage stocked with canned beans. “And I’m definitely not nervous about giving one AI system authority over other AI systems. What could possibly go wrong? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!”
At press time, Bengio’s prototype honest AI was reportedly stuck in an infinite loop after being asked to evaluate its own honesty, while simultaneously ordering 400 copies of “I, Robot” on Amazon for “no particular reason.”
