**Trump Slaps Tariffs on Steel While Europe Tries to Remember Why They Still Talk to Him**
In yet another episode of “How to Make Trade Wars in 10 Seconds,” U.S. President Donald Trump announced massive tariffs on all aluminum and steel imports, including from long-time allies in Europe. Because what better way to maintain friendships than by slapping them with hefty fees for trying to do business?
European leaders, still recovering from their morning existential crises, responded with a mix of frustration, confusion, and the classic European diplomacy tool: a shrug and a long sip of espresso. “We are, how do you say, very annoyed but not surprised,” said an unnamed French official who didn’t even look up from his newspaper.
German manufacturers, known for their cars, beer, and level-headed approach to unnecessary chaos, are biting their nails over what this means for their economy. “If China dumps its steel here, we may have to start making our luxury sedans out of recycled bicycles,” muttered one concerned executive at BMW.
Meanwhile, Italy and Spain, both of whom have their own ongoing crises involving, well, everything, joined the chorus of nervously sweating European nations. “This could further destabilize our economy,” warned an Italian official, though locals were reportedly more concerned about how it might affect pasta prices.
Adding to the spectacle, U.S. Vice President JD Vance arrived in Paris for an AI summit and was promptly ignored by the entire continent, as the EU had apparently decided discussing existential threats like rogue algorithms was easier than another trade spat with Washington. Vance, looking out over the Eiffel Tower, reportedly sighed and whispered, “This is fine.”
As for Trump, he remained defiantly pleased with himself. “More money will stay in the U.S. where it belongs,” he declared, presumably while sipping Diet Coke from a gold-plated chalice. Analysts expect Europe to retaliate with either their own tariffs or an aggressive campaign of passive-aggressive glares at the next G7 summit.
