# CREATIVITY OFFICIALLY EXTINCT AS GOVERNMENT OFFERS TECH BROS “ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET” OF HUMAN IDEAS
In a move shocking absolutely f@#king no one, the UK government is considering letting Silicon Valley’s thinking toasters gobble up every creative work ever made without paying a single penny to creators. Why? Because “economic growth” sounds better than “complete artistic annihilation.”
## TECH COMPANIES PROMISE “JUST THE TIP” OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
The proposal would allow data-mining bots to scrape the internet like your weird uncle Terry scrapes the last bit of cake frosting at family gatherings – aggressively and without permission.
“We just need unlimited access to every book, song, painting, and original thought humans have ever produced,” explained Dr. Richard Steeler, CEO of ScrapeTech Industries. “In return, we promise to maybe possibly consider potentially creating some jobs in your quaint little country.”
## ARTISTS SELFISHLY EXPECTING “PAYMENT” AND “RIGHTS” OVER THEIR “WORK”
Paul McCartney and Elton John have demonstrated their greed by suggesting they should retain some control over their life’s work instead of donating it to help tech billionaires buy more yachts.
“These musicians clearly don’t understand innovation,” said Economic Growth Expert Robbie DeCreatives. “By ‘innovation,’ I of course mean ‘taking other people’s sh!t and repackaging it with venture capital funding.'”
## GOVERNMENT CONSULTATION PROVES BALANCED BY INCLUDING BOTH TECH EXECS AND TECH LOBBYISTS
The UK’s Intellectual Property Office insists its consultation was completely fair, despite 99% of respondents being tech bros named Chad wearing Patagonia vests.
“We gathered diverse perspectives from people worth between $10 million and $100 billion,” explained consultation leader Sellout McDoormat. “We even let one writer speak, though we did put him in a soundproof booth.”
## CREATIVE INDUSTRIES URGED TO EMBRACE EXCITING NEW CAREER AS “UNPAID CONTENT MINES”
Writers, artists, and musicians are being encouraged to see the bright side of having their livelihoods stripped away.
“Think of yourselves as organ donors, but for ideas,” suggested technology ethicist Dr. Emma Slavery. “Your creative kidneys might live on inside a language model programmed to write airport novels about sexy werewolves!”
In completely unrelated news, UK Prime Minister’s son just landed a consulting job at Google paying £800,000 annually for “general advice.”
