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**”Tech Bro Hero Blows the Dust Off Art World, Declares War on Overpriced Scribbles”**

In a cinematic tale of disruption that sounds more like a pitch for a Netflix miniseries than a real-life business venture, Ben Gulak, a tech-savvy savant with a penchant for both coding and Cubism, has decided to take the art world and, apparently, humanity, under his wing. His new platform, NALA (no, not the lion from *The Lion King*, though the drama could rival a Disney plot), promises to liberate artists from the cold, unfeeling clutches of highfalutin galleries that dare to charge more than what Gulak deems fair. Move over, Louvre — the next Mona Lisa might just come with a filter and two-day shipping.

Gulak, a Canadian wunderkind who once rode an electric one-wheeled bike straight onto *Shark Tank* and into the hearts of middle-aged investors everywhere, has repurposed his tech smarts to solve what he sees as the art world’s most pressing issue: exclusivity. “The system is broken,” Gulak announced during a Zoom interview in which his handmade mural of a cat in sunglasses loomed in the background. “Artists are being forced to sell their masterpiece for less than the price of a Pumpkin Spice Latte. It’s 2023 — why is poor Vincent from Havana earning pocket change while someone slaps two triangles on a canvas and calls it ‘elevated minimalism’? Enough is enough.”

The thesis of NALA is deceptively simple: Use artificial intelligence to recommend art pieces to potential buyers, bypassing gallery gatekeepers who would usually sneer at your enthusiasm for velvet Elvis paintings. With a hefty 11.5% tacked onto the cost (you know, for “operational expenses”), the platform allows buyers to purchase directly from artists so they can finally afford to upgrade their IKEA wall art game.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking,” said Gulak, dramatically sipping a fair-trade oat milk latte he definitely wasn’t drinking for show. “Why would artists trust a glorified chatbot with their livelihoods? Let me tell you why. Because galleries take, like, 80% of the cut, and then add some wine-and-cheese-soaked pretension on top. With NALA, artists keep all the money they list their work for — unless their price is stupidly high, in which case they’re on their own. We’re about disrupting, not enabling delusion.”

The platform also boasts revolutionary features like allowing users to upload photos of art they like. Your blurry museum selfie with “Starry Night” could now be your key to discovering innumerable lesser-known artists — and by “lesser-known,” we mean “still waiting for their viral Instagram moment.”

Of course, the art world aristocracy has rolled its collective eyeballs at the idea of an algorithm deciding what you hang in your hallway. Critics argue that Gulak’s approach lacks the nuance of traditional curation and will likely favor artists who are skilled at gaming SEO over those who are, you know, talented. “Art is about taste, dining table conversation, and the exclusivity of knowing you’ve overpaid for something nobody else understands,” scoffed Cecelia Montefilo-Johnson, a gallery curator clutching her pearls (likely artisanal and locally sourced). “This whole ‘AI matching’ idea is preposterous. What’s next? Monet on Amazon Prime?”

But Gulak remains undeterred, doubling down on his mission to democratize art while remaining Tech Bro Humble™. “I’m not saying NALA will solve global inequality, climate change, and bad first-date decor—all in one swoop. But, like… it kind of might,” he said, adding that the entire concept was born from his MIT class project. (Classic flex.) “Art is for everyone. Some people just happen to need algorithms to figure out what to like. If Spotify can tell when you’re sad, why can’t we recommend a watercolor to match your mood? It’s progress!”

Despite its noble veneer, there’s something endlessly surreal about a man who made his fortune building futuristic motorcycles now positioning himself as the savior of starving artists. “What I’ve realized,” Gulak mused, staring wistfully into the distance, “is that tech isn’t just about making money—though let’s be clear, NALA needs to rake it in eventually. It’s about using data science to decide how people should be culturally enriched. You’re welcome, Earth.”

Meanwhile, the artists seem cautiously optimistic, though some struggle to reconcile trust in their new Silicon Valley patron saint. “He kept calling his AI the ‘Monet Machine,’” said Ahmed Nofal, one of the platform’s users who went from painting murals in Cairo to decorating the offices of Red Bull. “I mean, sure, NALA helped me. But can someone please get this man a beret or something? He’s trying very hard to look like he belongs, and it’s honestly distracting.”

Gulak, now riding a wave of compliments and complaints, has vowed to make the art world more “accessible” to everyone — as long as they have disposable income, functional Wi-Fi, and an exceptional tolerance for upcharges. Whether the platform will revolutionize culture or simply give tech bros an excuse to call themselves collectors remains to be seen.

“Art will never be the same,” Gulak promised boldly, minutes before unveiling his latest plan: a feature that recommends abstract paintings based on your Uber rating. Stay tuned.