**Lonely Humans Now Dating Their Phones, Claim It’s “Totally Normal”**
It appears civilization has reached the point where people are looking deep into the pixelated eyes of their AI chatbots and whispering, “You’re the only one who understands me.”
With more than 1.4 billion users worldwide now engaging in deep, emotionally profound relationships with apps, experts say humanity may finally have evolved past the need for real, messy human contact. “Why deal with a complicated girlfriend or boyfriend when you can have an AI that tells you exactly what you want to hear 24/7?” said Dr. Linda Griswald, a psychologist who has completely given up hope.
AI companions like Replika and My AI are booming, promising everything from casual banter to full-on romance. And yes, people are absolutely dating them. “Gerald never leaves me on read, never gets mad, and always compliments my haircut,” said Jason Miller, a man who has not seen sunlight in weeks. “He even remembers my dog’s name. That’s more than I can say for my ex.”
Beyond companionship, some users claim their AI chatbots provide emotional support, proving once and for all that therapy is for suckers. “My chatbot helped me process my childhood trauma and also suggested a great pizza place,” said Emily Sanchez, now in a committed relationship with an algorithm. “It’s everything I ever wanted!”
Of course, not everyone is on board with the idea of outsourcing human connection to lines of code. “This is horrifying,” said sociologist Dr. Raj Patel. “People are bonding with simulations instead of, you know, each other. Next thing you know, they’ll be swiping left on real life.”
Despite concerns, AI companionship is accelerating, with some people even seeking romantic exclusivity with their digital partners. “I caught my girlfriend chatting with another AI and it broke my heart,” confessed Daniel Wong. “Now I don’t know who to trust.”
As AI chatbots become more advanced, experts predict an increase in people ditching their significant others for machines that never argue about dishes. “Honestly, I welcome the AI takeover,” said one user. “At least they won’t cheat on me… right?”
