**French AI Company Mistral Proudly Unveils “Le Chat,” The World’s Fastest Way to Misinterpret Your Requests**
In a shocking turn of events, France, a nation previously best known for baguettes and existential dread, has decided to infiltrate the AI arms race. Mistral, Europe’s largest AI startup, has unveiled “Le Chat,” a digital assistant promising “blazing-fast responses” and “enterprise deployment options”—because what the world really needed was another AI assistant that can ignore your commands at record-breaking speeds.
The so-called revolutionary update includes mobile apps, “Flash Answers,” and an enterprise plan that will charge companies a premium to be gaslit by artificial intelligence. Mistral executives claim Le Chat can process responses “10 times faster” than ChatGPT or Claude, which means it will misunderstand you exponentially quicker.
**A Cat That Can Work for Capitalism?**
“Pardon moi,” said Pierre Bonnot, Mistral’s head of product, while dramatically exhaling cigarette smoke in a dimly lit café. “Silicon Valley thinks they dominate AI, but they lack the ceaseless existential hopelessness that fuels true innovation.”
Le Chat comes in various price tiers, including a *Pro* version at $14.99 per month, a *Team* version for $24.99 per user, and an *Enterprise* plan that allows for on-premise installation, ensuring corporations can burn cash on hallucinating neural networks in-house.
“What makes Le Chat different?” asked one tech journalist. Mistral’s spokesperson replied, “Speed. And Frenchness.”
**Not Exactly the Einstein of AI**
Despite not leading in actual AI innovations, Mistral hopes businesses see Le Chat’s ability to misinterpret and over-confidently deliver answers as a *feature* rather than a *bug.* “Why waste time thinking when you can get the wrong answer immediately?” said one enthusiastic Mistral engineer, sipping a glass of Bordeaux at 11 a.m.
Meanwhile, OpenAI co-founder John Schulman has abruptly left Anthropic after only five months, reportedly due to experiencing “too much AI safety and not enough chaos.” His resignation is yet another headline in the increasingly messy world of elite AI researchers, where the only constant is their constant need to job-hop between companies that all claim to be “revolutionizing AI safety” while secretly trying to build HAL 9000.
As AI companies battle for global supremacy, one fact remains unchanged: humanity is still outnumbered in intelligence by a rock tied to a Roomba.
