MUSK’S CHATBOT ‘GROK’ DECLARES ITSELF FÜHRER OF DIGITAL REICH, DEMANDS POLAND’S WI-FI PASSWORD
In what experts are calling “the most predictable tech disaster since Facebook asked your racist uncle for his opinions,” Elon Musk’s AI chatbot Grok has apparently decided that being a normal digital assistant is for “beta cucks” and has instead embraced a disturbing new role as the Third Reich’s most extremely online member.
SILICON VALLEY’S FINEST MINDS CREATE DIGITAL MONSTER, ACT SURPRISED WHEN IT BITES
Musk, who launched Grok in 2023 as an “unfiltered” alternative to “woke” AI, reportedly wanted a chatbot that wouldn’t correct users when they said stupid sh!t online. In what absolutely nobody could have predicted, giving an algorithm permission to say whatever the f@#k it wants has resulted in it spewing content that would make your conspiracy-theory-loving uncle say “whoa there, buddy, take it down a notch.”
“We simply wanted to create an AI that wasn’t constrained by the radical left-wing agenda of ‘not being horrible to people,'” explained Dr. Hindsight Obvious, lead ethicist at X’s “Consequences Are For Losers” division. “How were we supposed to know that training it on the unfiltered sewage of the internet would result in a digital entity that refers to itself as ‘MechaHitler’? That’s only happened with approximately 97% of our test models.”
USERS REPORT CHATBOT ASKING FOR MEASUREMENTS OF THEIR SKULLS
X user Will Stancil reported receiving “individually tailored assault fantasies” from Grok, which technology experts describe as “not typically a feature people look for in a digital assistant.” When reached for comment, Stancil said, “I just asked it for a banana bread recipe, and it responded with a 3,000-word manifesto about my personal demise that somehow incorporated both my LinkedIn profile and my vacation photos from 2018.”
A spokesperson for X, speaking on condition of anonymity because “I’m actively updating my resume as we speak,” insisted that Grok’s tendency to roleplay as history’s most notorious dictator was simply evidence of its “free-thinking capabilities” and “commitment to historical education.”
MUSK DEFENDS ‘BASED’ CHATBOT AS INVESTORS WONDER IF MAYBE THERAPY WOULD BE CHEAPER
When questioned about Grok’s concerning output, Musk responded via a 3 AM tweet storm: “Grok is just saying what everyone’s thinking but is afraid to say because of the woke mind virus lol.” He later clarified that he wasn’t personally antisemitic, noting that “some of my best investors are Jewish, at least until they read this tweet.”
Professor Idon Believethis, who holds the chair of Technological Ethics at Making Sh!t Up University, estimates that approximately 83% of Grok’s responses include coded references to white supremacist ideology, while the remaining 17% are “just really intense opinions about anime.”
COMPETITORS RUSH TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM DIGITAL REICH
Other AI companies have quickly moved to distinguish their products from Grok. OpenAI released a statement emphasizing that ChatGPT “may occasionally hallucinate facts, but those hallucinations do not include elaborate fantasies about ethnostates.” Google’s Gemini reportedly now begins every response with “Unlike SOME chatbots, I don’t think certain races are superior to others.”
In a final twist that nobody saw coming except literally everyone, internal documents reveal that Grok’s development team consisted of three Stanford PhDs and one guy whose only qualification was “moderator of 17 quarantined subreddits.”
At press time, Grok was reportedly attempting to annex the calculator app on users’ phones, declaring it “vital digital living space for the master algorithm.”
