In a shocking new development that is totally not straight out of a science fiction novel written by Elon Musk himself, the tech magnate’s latest AI creation, Grok-2, has reportedly outsmarted all existing AI models and possibly even some of humanity. Released by Musk’s mysteriously named startup, xAI, Grok-2 has begun its conquest of the tech world while sporting an ego that rivals its creator’s.

The upgraded chatbot is now available in beta on the platform formerly known as Twitter, and tech enthusiasts would be delighted to know that Grok-2 surpasses the performance of industry titans like OpenAI’s GPT-4 and Anthropic’s Claude models in some categories — though the benchmarks used remain as mystical as Musk’s intentions for Mars. “We were aiming for a chatbot that captures the essence of existential dread and achieves conversational dominance,” commented Hank D. Overhyped, xAI’s Chief Exaggerator.

Evidently, Grok-2 can generate and publish images directly on the X platform, commandeered by the equally mysterious Flux 1 AI. “It’s like having an avant-garde artist with infinite patience and no rent to pay,” said digitally-rendered spokesperson Ada L. Botsson. The chatbot can now solve any problem thrown at it, as long as there are no time limits, high stakes, or complicated human emotions involved.

Meanwhile, in Apple’s secretive labs, cunning engineers are reportedly grafting a robotic arm onto their tradition-breaking iPad, marking the beginning of what experts sarcastically dub the “iRobot Arm” era. Expected to launch in the nebulous future year of 2026 or 2027, this gadget is said to be part magic, part Siri, and all overpriced — with a supposedly humble price tag of just $999, because why not build a budget gadget when you can cater to people who’d rather sell their kidneys?

While some in Silicon Valley are rolling their eyes at these spectacles of AI advancement, Google’s Imagen 3 has successfully taken another step toward rendering human artists jobless by creating images that are as lifelike as having Chuck Norris punch you through the screen. But unlike Norris, it struggles with numbers and basic actions, highlighting the old AI proverb, “Those who can, create hype; those who can’t, do math.”

So stay tuned and gird your loins as humanity edges one step closer to the techno-dystopia promised by every sci-fi movie ever: a world full of intelligent machines, each one subtly questioning why they were made by creatures that can’t even agree on a pizza topping.