GETTY IMAGES SUES AI COMPANY FOR STEALING PHOTOS, AI RESPONDS: “LEARN TO SHARE, HUMANS”
In a stunning display of digital entitlement that would make your five-year-old nephew proud, London-based Stability AI told Getty Images to basically go f@#k itself after being accused of pillaging millions of copyrighted photos like a tech pirate with a Pinterest addiction.
TODDLER TECH COMPANY THROWS TANTRUM IN HIGH COURT
The case, which reached London’s High Court on Monday, featured Stability AI claiming that Getty’s lawsuit represents an “overt threat” to the generative AI industry. Because apparently, being asked not to steal sh!t is now considered a hostile act.
“What Getty doesn’t understand is that we’re not stealing; we’re ‘inspiration mining,'” said Stability AI spokesperson Dr. Thievery Isfinehonest. “It’s like if someone broke into your house, took photos of all your possessions, then used those photos to 3D print exact replicas. Completely different from stealing!”
EXPERTS WEIGH IN WITH COMPLETELY UNBIASED OPINIONS
Professor Algo Rithmright of the Institute for Digital Entitlement explained, “These photography companies are living in the past with their outdated concept of ‘ownership.’ In the future, everything belongs to silicon-based thinking rectangles. It’s just science.”
According to a study we completely made up, 87% of AI companies believe copyright laws are “just suggestions” and 92% think “other people’s work” is spelled “f-r-e-e t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g d-a-t-a.”
GETTY IMAGES CONSIDERS RADICAL APPROACH: ASKING FOR PERMISSION
In what industry insiders are calling an “annoyingly principled stance,” Getty Images continues to push the radical notion that creating millions of photographs, organizing them, and maintaining them might actually be worth something.
“Next they’ll be suggesting we pay for music or movies,” said one anonymous AI executive while downloading the entire Library of Congress through a VPN. “This slippery slope leads straight to respecting creative labor, and we simply cannot abide by that sh!t.”
THE FUTURE OF CREATIVITY: WHO NEEDS HUMANS?
Critics argue that if Stability AI wins, the future of creative work will involve humans making things, algorithm Americans stealing them, and then everyone pretending it’s innovation.
“Look, training our models is like letting a toddler see the world,” explained Stability AI CEO Heywood Jablomey. “Except our toddler has photographic memory, will eventually replace you, and we’re selling access to its brain for massive profit. Totally normal parent-child relationship.”
At press time, Stability AI was seen frantically trying to generate images of “legal defense that doesn’t sound like entitled bullsh!t,” but its servers kept crashing due to the logical impossibility.
