‘Generative AI’ Now So Bland, Scientists Fear It Will Become Stepdad Who Only Talks About The Weather
In a shocking development that has left no one truly shocked, generative AI has gone from occasionally entertaining us with delightful absurdities—like suggesting we glue cheddar to pizza crust—to delivering the conversational equivalent of unsalted mashed potatoes. The once-wild, occasionally deranged digital assistant has now settled into a new phase of its evolution: the bland, over-polished bore who insists on printing out maps for a trip everyone knows is on Google Maps.
“I don’t know what happened,” lamented casual AI user and part-time philosopher Sarah Wibberly. “I asked it how gravity works, and instead of the charmingly unhinged explanation that brought in space hamsters and the moon being a bit of a diva, it just gave me… facts. Dry, flavorless facts. My God, it’s like asking your Uncle Gary if he’s seen anything interesting in the past decade.”
Experts suggest that the transformation isn’t accidental. “This is what you get when people complain about the fun parts,” said renowned satirical computer scientist Dr. Linda Banterson. “Nobody wanted the cheese-gluing AI to be funny anymore—they wanted it to be ‘accurate.’ Well, congratulations. Now asking it a question feels like reading a monotone instruction manual for assembling IKEA furniture: technically helpful, but you’re dead inside by the time you’re done.” She shook her head sadly. “I kind of miss the cheese thing.”
The new wave of AI tools, particularly those used in search engines, has reached an unprecedented level of neutrality. The dramatic change stems from AI engineers trying to “minimize risk” by stripping the bots of anything remotely spicy, quirky, or fun. “Our goal was to remove all possibilities of inaccuracy, controversy, or creativity,” said Derek Snooze, head of AI monotony at Google. “In a way, we succeeded too well. Now, our AI is indistinguishable from the narration on in-flight safety videos.”
But the average user hasn’t been thrilled. Instead of feeling “more informed,” users report wildly different emotions. “Honestly, I miss the chaos,” said Brian Wexley, a man who confessed to spending two entire days last year trying out unhinged prompts on an AI chatbot just to see how weird it would get. “Last January, I got into a full-blown argument with it over whether otters could or couldn’t run an efficient pizza franchise, and I still think about that conversation. It was peak art. Now? It just tells me otters are semi-aquatic mammals. What am I supposed to do with that?!”
Generative AI’s newfound love of blandness is allegedly its attempt to keep up with the demands of “professionalism.” Gone are the days of hilariously wrong answers and quirky commentary. In their place is a hyper-sanitized corporate tone that some users have begun referring to as “PowerPoint mode.” Even chatbots now feign excitement about subjects with the emotional range of a used toaster.
Tech workers, meanwhile, are reportedly becoming nostalgic for a simpler, chaos-laden time. “Do you know how many new and interesting swear words I learned last year just because a chatbot refused to acknowledge the existence of Pluto as a planet? Now it won’t even pretend to misunderstand me!” fumed AI developer Carl “Hot Takes” Jenkins, whose T-shirt read *Make Chatbots Weird Again* in Comic Sans font.
There is, however, a silver lining. Critics argue that generative AI’s descent into drabness has opened the door for creative individuals to once again claim the crown as humanity’s chief nonsense creators. “Look,” said independent pizza enthusiast Yvonne Gladstone. “If AI won’t tell me to glue cheese to bread, I’ll just go on TikTok and do it myself. Maggot-cheese pizza is already trending. Human ingenuity lives!”
For now, the public continues to ask their bots questions, hoping for just a spark of that old goofy magic. “We wanted AI to stop being a noisy idiot, and now it’s a boring authority figure,” said longtime user Greg From Accounting. “It’s basically what happens when you make too many New Year’s resolutions. Sure, you’re more productive, but no one invites you to karaoke anymore. Trade-offs, man. Trade-offs.”