FILMMAKER WHO CREATED KILLER ROBOTS NOW WORRIED ABOUT KILLER ROBOTS
In a stunning display of “no sh!t, Sherlock” awareness, Hollywood director James Cameron is suddenly concerned that artificial intelligence might lead to a global apocalypse, despite spending decades making billions of dollars portraying exactly that scenario in vivid, entertaining detail.
PROFESSIONAL ARMAGEDDON PROFITEER SUDDENLY REALIZES ARMAGEDDON MIGHT BE BAD
The director of “Terminator,” a film about murderous silicon-based death machines, has abruptly discovered that turning death machines into actual death machines could potentially cause death. Cameron, who has earned roughly the GDP of a small nation depicting robots slaughtering humans, now worries this might happen in real life, a concern he’s expressing while simultaneously developing new projects to profit from other historical catastrophes.
“I’ve spent 40 years showing audiences exactly how cool it would look when machines exterminate humanity, but now I’m thinking maybe we shouldn’t do that,” Cameron reportedly told a Rolling Stone interviewer while swimming in his money vault. “Who could have possibly foreseen this problem besides literally me in multiple blockbuster films?”
EXPERT OPINION: WE’RE ALL F@#KED
Dr. Hindsight Obvious, professor of Preventable Dystopian Futures at the University of Duh, explains: “It’s fascinating how someone can make $3 billion depicting the exact problem they’re now warning us about. It’s like if the guy who made ‘Jaws’ suddenly said, ‘Holy crap, has anyone considered that sharks might bite people?'”
According to a completely fabricated study, 97.8% of technological apocalypses begin with someone saying “But think of the cool movies we could make about this!”
FILMMAKER IDENTIFIES THREE EXISTENTIAL THREATS, CONVENIENTLY MATCHES NUMBER OF HIS BIGGEST FRANCHISES
Cameron listed super-intelligence, nuclear weapons, and climate crisis as humanity’s three biggest threats, coincidentally the exact number needed for a commercially viable trilogy. Industry insiders expect announcements for “Existential Threat 2: Nuclear Boogaloo” and “Existential Threat 3: Now It’s Getting Hot” within months.
“I’m deeply concerned about the fate of humanity,” Cameron stated while reportedly sketching concept art for how awesome a nuclear apocalypse would look in IMAX 3D.
THE IRONY RUNS DEEPER THAN THE TITANIC
In a twist that even Cameron’s scriptwriters would reject as too on-the-nose, the director is now planning to make a film about Hiroshima, presumably because he’s run out of apocalyptic scenarios to warn us about after personally monetizing them.
“I’m worried AI might destroy humanity,” said the man who has personally trained millions of neural networks on imagery of precisely how to terminate humans most efficiently, “which is why I’m making a movie about how we almost destroyed ourselves with a different technology.”
At press time, Cameron was reportedly applying for government grants to build an actual Skynet system “just to show people how dangerous it would be,” while his accountant quietly purchased stock in defense contractors.
