**Elon Musk Attempts Hostile Takeover of OpenAI, Sam Altman Offers to Buy His Sanity Instead**
Elon Musk, the man who never passes on a chance to escalate a tech feud, has made a surprise $97.4 billion bid to acquire OpenAI. Because what’s another $100 billion when you’re already juggling failing rocket launches, collapsing social media platforms, and courtroom drama?
Sources close to the deal suggest Musk is passionate about bringing OpenAI back to its “original mission.” If by “original mission,” he means a dramatic soap opera starring himself as both the hero and the villain, then yes, absolutely.
“I just think AI should be open and ethical,” said Musk, who once believed cars should have doors that open when you approach but has since abandoned that idea. “The best way to ensure that is for me to own the whole damn thing.”
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman did not take the offer seriously, reportedly snapping back, “I’ll give you $4.99 for X, take it or leave it.” Insiders say his offer was generous considering X’s current business model involves begging users for money while simultaneously banning them for existing.
Musk’s offer comes at an inconvenient time for OpenAI, which has been trying to figure out whether it’s a nonprofit, a for-profit, or just a chaotic science experiment. Some analysts suggest that letting Musk run OpenAI would be like handing a flamethrower to a toddler—exciting, dangerous, and sure to end in disaster.
Meanwhile, Silicon Valley is collectively sighing as the latest billionaire slap fight unfolds. Experts predict that if Musk fails, he will follow his usual strategy: file a dramatic lawsuit, call Altman a “traitor to humanity,” tweet something unhinged at 3 AM, and then completely lose interest by next year.
At press time, Musk was seen Googling, “Can you buy a company just to fire the CEO and replace him with a meme?”
