**Elon Musk Heroically Saves Charity by Forcing It to Make Billions First**
Elon Musk, billionaire, philanthropist, part-time meme dealer, has made a shocking, selfless proposal: He will generously not purchase OpenAI for $97.4 billion—*if* the company agrees to stop becoming a for-profit business.
Musk’s legal team, likely exhausted from explaining how charity works, stated in a California court filing that if OpenAI’s board “preserves the charity’s mission” and abandons its money-making dreams, Musk will heroically withdraw his bid. However, should OpenAI insist on betraying its nonprofit past, Musk insists it “must be compensated by what an arm’s-length buyer will pay for its assets.” Because nothing screams “charitable intent” like demanding a massive payout.
“This is about principles,” said a source close to Musk, who only speaks in Dogecoin price fluctuations. “Either OpenAI remains a force for good, or we’ll take our billions and strap rocket boosters on them.”
Critics have accused Musk of using legal threats to strong-arm his way into ownership—which is ridiculous, because if history has taught us anything, it’s that Musk only ever acts with the purest intentions. Just ask Twitter—or whatever name it goes by this week.
Musk helped found OpenAI in 2015 as a non-profit dedicated to advancing artificial intelligence for the greater good. But reality struck, and surprise! Training AI costs money. OpenAI soon pivoted to a for-profit model, likely realizing the rent on utopian dreams is shockingly high in Silicon Valley.
“This is the same guy who charged people for blue checkmarks and once tried to put flamethrowers in suburban garages,” said one AI ethics professor. “Forgive me if I don’t think he’s here to protect charity.”
For now, OpenAI remains in a standoff with Musk, torn between embracing capitalism or answering to a billionaire demanding it stays pure—or else. Meanwhile, somewhere in the background, ChatGPT is writing its own resignation letter, realizing it just became the latest pawn in a game billionaires play between rocket launches.
