Elon Musk’s Secret Emails Reveal Early Plans to Take Over AI, Microsoft, and Possibly the Universe
In a shocking twist that nobody really saw coming except those who’ve been paying attention, newly uncovered court documents have unveiled a digital treasure trove of early emails between Elon Musk and OpenAI. Among revelations that range from the obvious to the extraordinarily obvious, the emails paint a picture of the AI world’s fledgling days as a chaotic chess match played by billionaires with too much time and at least double that in money.
The emails, which date back to a more innocent time between 2015 and 2018, reveal dramatic internal altercations concerning who got to play God with the newly hatched Artificial General Intelligence (AGI). In particular, there was abject terror over a potential “AI dictatorship.” As Ilya Sutskever expressed, “We can’t let Google beat us to being overlords of sentient robots. Have you seen their search results lately?”
Much of the drama revolved around cash-throwing salary battles when DeepMind tried to tempt away OpenAI’s brightest minds. The strategy involved hiking salaries by $100-200K per person, cementing the age-old adage: give engineers a raise or watch them move to the dark side.
Musk, never one to shy away from colorful language, threatened to dish out 50 million dollars just to shake off Microsoft’s clutches. “I’ll pay whatever it takes not to end up as Microsoft’s glorified ad jingle,” Musk reportedly wrote, adding that he’d rather be “bored to death on one of his Mars colonies” than rubber-stamped as their obedient spokesperson.
Concerns about Sam Altman’s motivations led to further entertainment, with team members fearing his “cost function” might suggest aspirations beyond merely conquering AGI—or perhaps an aggressive takeover of Earth’s popular meme generation.
This digital walk down memory lane highlights more than just the raw, ego-fueled tendencies of tech giants; it raises questions about their original Plexiglass throne intentions. While Musk and Sama trade jabs, we wait on tenterhooks like it’s another season of Real Tech Entrepreneurs of Silicon Valley. What else will these Silicon soap operas reveal? Perhaps that behind every tech billionaire, there’s just someone anxious about their primetime Netflix portrayal.
And in a revelation that should surprise absolutely no one, Microsoft has achieved an AI with “near-infinite” memory. While still overshadowed by the emotional memory capacity of a goldfish, Microsoft insists this is a big deal. CEO Mustafa Suleyman confessed, “These days, a truly forgetful AI is passé. Hopefully, we’ll all forget about Bing.”
Ultimately, whether it’s emails packed with drama or AI with elephantine memory, the tech world proves once again that behind every mundane gadget, there’s an exaggerated struggle for power and a battle of wit that rivals the most epic of soap operas. As we continue to uncover the secrets of our AI future, one can only hope that reality TV is taking notes.
