Elon Musk Heroically Battles Multi-Tentacled AI Monopoly Machine Despite Owning Other Multi-Tentacled Machines Himself
In what can only be described as an epoch-defining throwdown between tech titans, Elon “The Egalitarian” Musk has launched an intricately expanded lawsuit against OpenAI and its not-so-silent partner, Microsoft, presumably when he ran out of rockets to launch into space for the day.
Musk, known for his unyielding commitment to leveling playing fields when he’s not making bank himself, alleges that this dastardly duo of silicon scoundrels maliciously planned to monopolize the world of artificial intelligence. It’s like a crime-fighting superhero battling a bank heist while holding up his own bank on the side.
“I won’t stand by while they turn AI into some shadowy cabal,” Musk declared from the comforting confines of one of his many electric chariots. “I, the champion of the free and totally non-monopolistic distribution of technology, must use my colossal accumulation of resources to stop them!”
The lawsuit, filed in sunny, lawsuit-friendly Oakland, describes how Microsoft and OpenAI took ‘The Usual Tech Giant’s Guide to Monopoly’ to new heights by allegedly attempting to become the Lords of All That Is Generative AI. Skeptics curiously wandered if this triage by Musk had anything to do with his rocky past with OpenAI, a company he helped co-found and then left, perhaps skipping off into the sunset with the grace of an estranged ex-champion.
While Musk fervently dons the cape of justice in the courtroom, ordinary humans might giggle at the irony: a billionaire worried about monopolistic practices, potentially infringing upon the common man’s right to an AI-driven world where Siri is your butler and Clippy resurrects to become your life coach.
“We’re just your average, garden-variety huge company seeking world domination,” commented an OpenAI spokesperson, aka the voice of reason in some multiverse. “But Musk is right; we should share our monopolies equally, like adults.”
Meanwhile, over at Microsoft, Redmond’s tech navy inexplicably decided to plead the ‘Classic Giant Tech Conglomerate Fifth’, refusing to use the words “monopolize” and “us” in the same sentence other than to say, “Who? Us? You must be joking.”
This courtroom kerfuffle may continue longer than the half-life of a dead star, with Musk likely to simultaneously juggle other minor escapades like sending Teslas to orbit Mars or acquiring the moon as a summer property. Such valiant endeavors all while contributing immensely to humanity’s perplexingly complex dichotomy of both feeding and fighting monopolies—certainly, the evolution of modern heroism is a marvel to behold.
