IMAGINARY GOALS, REAL VIEWS: EGYPTIAN SCAMMERS CREATE ENTIRE SOCCER TOURNAMENT WHILE ACTUAL PLAYERS WERE STILL EATING BREAKFAST
In what experts are calling “the greatest sporting event that never f@#king happened,” Egyptian content creators managed to convince millions of viewers they were watching Club World Cup highlights that hadn’t even been played yet, racking up a staggering 14 million views of completely fabricated soccer footage.
TECHNOLOGY MEETS BULLS#!T
Using a potent combination of digital wizardry and the internet’s insatiable thirst for Lionel Messi content, the creators posted “highlights” of Manchester City versus Juventus matches before the actual players had even finished their morning coffee. YouTube, demonstrating the vigilance of a narcoleptic security guard, failed to notice until viewers had already consumed enough fake sports content to fill several stadiums.
“This represents a revolutionary advancement in the field of making sh!t up,” explained Dr. Faye Knyooze, professor of Digital Deception at Making Things Up University. “These creators have essentially eliminated the need for actual sporting events to occur before we discuss them, which could save billions in stadium construction costs.”
THE MESSI EFFECT
The scammers’ secret weapon? Lionel Messi’s face plastered on thumbnails despite the fact that Messi’s team, Inter Miami, wasn’t even participating in the tournament.
“People will click on literally anything with Messi’s face on it,” admitted social media analyst Chad Clickbaiter. “You could post a video titled ‘Messi Transforms Into Actual Goat During Match’ and get six million views before anyone questions the biological impossibility.”
YOUTUBE’S CRACK SECURITY TEAM SPRINGS INTO ACTION EVENTUALLY
YouTube’s content moderation team reportedly became suspicious only after noticing that the videos showed goals being scored at times when most professional footballers were still hitting the snooze button.
“We have sophisticated systems in place to detect fake content,” insisted YouTube spokesperson Blind McEyeson. “Unfortunately those systems were busy watching cat videos when this happened.”
EXPERTS WEIGH IN
“What we’re seeing is the logical conclusion of our post-truth society,” explained Professor Reality Isoverrated from the Institute of Things That Didn’t Happen. “Why wait for events to occur when you can just make them up and get 14 million people to believe you? It’s honestly more efficient.”
Statistics show that approximately 87% of internet users now prefer watching things that never happened over actual events, with an estimated 42% unable to tell the difference anymore.
EGYPTIAN SCAMMERS: THE NEW SPORTS BROADCASTERS?
The Egyptian creators, who have requested anonymity but go by the collective username “TotallyRealSportsNotFakeAtAll,” defended their actions.
“We simply gave people what they wanted before they knew they wanted it,” they explained. “Is that a crime? Also, please don’t check if that’s actually a crime.”
Industry insiders note that major sports networks are now considering hiring the Egyptian team, with one executive reportedly saying, “Why pay billions for broadcast rights when these guys can just make sh!t up for a fraction of the cost?”
In related news, the actual Club World Cup is reportedly considering canceling all future tournaments and just letting Egyptian YouTubers decide the outcomes, saving everyone the trouble of actually playing the games in what officials are calling “the most efficient sporting innovation since someone decided running was a competition.”
