AI Chatbots Confirmed as Dumbest Know-It-Alls on the Planet
In a groundbreaking revelation that surprised absolutely no one, AI chatbots have been caught fabricating news with the confidence of a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving. A BBC study found that more than half of the answers generated by so-called “intelligent assistants” were riddled with errors, distortions, and outright nonsense.
Microsoft’s Copilot, never one to let “facts” get in the way of a good story, claimed that French rape victim Gisèle Pelicot uncovered crimes against her after experiencing blackouts and memory loss. Reality, however, rudely disagreed—she learned of the crimes when the police found the evidence on her husband’s devices. Close enough, right?
Meanwhile, ChatGPT boldly announced that Ismail Haniyeh was still leading Hamas, a remarkable achievement considering he had been assassinated months earlier. It also kept Rishi Sunak and Nicola Sturgeon in office, because why let time or elections interfere with a chatbot’s delusions?
Google’s Gemini, clearly sharing brain cells with a goldfish, said the NHS advises against vaping and recommends other quitting methods. Unfortunately for Gemini, the NHS has no such official stance, meaning the bot is either confused or is secretly working for Big Nicotine.
But perhaps the most impressive performance came from Perplexity, which misquoted a statement from Liam Payne’s family and provided an entirely incorrect date for the death of TV presenter Michael Mosley. If you ever needed misinformation with a touch of absolute chaos, Perplexity has you covered.
“We deeply regret any inaccuracies and are committed to improving,” said a spokesperson from AI-ville, while nervously unplugging a chatbot mid-sentence. “We strive for accurate, balanced, and purely fictional journalism.”
Experts suggest the best way to use AI chatbots for news is to do the opposite of whatever they say, or perhaps just go outside and talk to an actual person. “I asked my AI assistant for updates on the U.S. election, and it told me Abraham Lincoln was making a strong comeback,” said one frustrated user.
With these revelations, researchers are left wondering: are AI chatbots deliberately making things up, or are they just naturally full of s#%t? Either way, humanity can rest easy knowing that at least for now, the dumbest person in the room is still made of circuits.
